Unfather’s Day

#amwriting, blog, healing, mental health, Moments, Poetry 1 Minute
Photo by Tomé Louro on Pexels.com

Today, I don’t want to exist.
Tomorrow is fine, but not today.
Today, I don’t deserve anything.
I hate the happiness, I hate the gift ideas.
I hate the attempts to cheer me up from friends and family.
I hate cards, I hate phone calls, I hate the internet.
I hate robbing my stepfather from his day, I’m so damn sorry.
I hate Sundays, I hate barbecues, I hate gatherings and music.
I hate being called something I’m not, stop telling me different.
Stop!!! It only encourages me and I lie to myself again.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter wishes were still with us.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter celebrates beating Cancer.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter begs freed from behind bars.
I’m not even a Dad a son or daughter forgives for his mistakes.
I’m not a Dad…and I have all the scars to prove it.

Published by Ash Douglas

Writer, Poet, WritersNL Member, Paralegal, Miawpukek First Nations, GymLife, Runner, Bike Writer, & Pun Enthusiast. I like my puns intended. ✍️ “I don’t claim to be a great writer, but I’m enjoying the journey of becoming one”

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36 thoughts on “Unfather’s Day”

    1. Thank you, Laura. I appreciate you and kind words. This is just some raw emotion. Figured no sense holding it back, it’s how I feel you know? I’m OK, especially now knowing I have people like you out there waiting to catch me. Take care!!

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      1. 💕 That’s true, no holding back and suffering alone. There’s a safety net of caring arms waiting to catch us when we fall and lift us back up when we’re to weak to stand on our own. You are cared for, loved and valued.

        Liked by 2 people

      6. I know, you’re 1000% right. I’m good, it’s just that days like this bring the clouds back around. It’s not until I write it out of me that I get to feel better. A cross I bare. But, words like yours help push those clouds until I can finally see the horizon again. Thank you for that…and thanks for being my net.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, this makes my day. It did help to write it out, I had to. Thanks for your kind words, it meant the world to me and I am honoured just the same. Thank you for the smile. I need a lot of them today!! Take care!

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      1. Sending sunshine and sparkles and smiles.
        You’re worth it….
        Today is hard. And hopefully today will be over soon. Tomorrow is a new day. It’ll either be like this, or it will be better. Either way it’ll pass. Someone once told me that’s how she views it. I can’t recall her words, which were good! I loved the thought.

        💕💕💕

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I can only imagine how much yesterday pained you.
    I spent most of yesterday on a project to keep my mind occupied while others celebrated.
    I am glad that they are happy. I definitely wouldn’t wish my (or your) misery on them. However, the fake smile I had to wear yesterday for a few moments was tiresome.

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    1. Thank you for this. Yeah, yesterday was a task for sure. Some of the beautiful comments helped dull the pain. As for you, rough day too? Well, I feel for you, you know that. We both have scars and it’s good to know I have your support and you better know you have mine.

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  6. I focused too much on myself in the last comment and forgot about the rest.
    This piece is epic. So raw. So true. So emotional.
    I think the added voice recording is a great idea. I noticed a couple of other people do that and I think it’s awesome. It gives you the option to either read (I prefer) or to listen to it while you do other things. You cover all of your bases that way. Well done.

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    1. Ah, don’t sweat it. I thought about the voice thing a couple weeks ago. Like, going back and adding them to my poems. Just like you said, add something fresh to my posts. Then, of course yesterday happened and I said well, let’s start with that. I wasn’t sure how it would have been received, but I think it’ works. Since you mentioned, I feel more confident about it now. I appreciate your input, thanks for the compliment.

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      1. Of course. Don’t sweat about going back and updating. If you have time, of course, do it. But otherwise, focus on keeping it up for future posts.

        These bite sized pieces are very popular on Instagram. Make a graphic out of it and then read and turn into video.

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  7. Wow, I guess I never thought of a holiday like this being painful for those who aren’t mothers or fathers. I think every holiday can come with some pain. I also think it is how we embrace it and respond to it. Obviously, writing a thoughtful poem with much feeling is a way to deal with it. It seems as the years go on each holiday comes with some new heartache of some sort.

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    1. First, thank you for the comment. Yeah, it’s one of those things that just takes time to master. The emotions are at most times uncontrollable and a poem happens at least for me it does. I like your perspective by the way. 🙂

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  8. For the mere fact that you consider yourself not a Dad simply because of your flaws, points out what a great Dad you are. You are conscious of what happens around you.
    Everyman can be a dad but it takes great Dads to access whether or not they are good fathers.

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    1. Wow, thank you so much for leaving such a health-felt comment. This made me smile!! I appreciate you taking the time to read and love what you said. It means a lot.

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