“Hold Me Clothes and Never Let Go”

I’m not sure why but the other day I thought about this jacket that I use to wear all the time when I was in my twenties, it was brown leather with a seventies style to it, very Donnie Brascoish.  I swear it felt like it was made specifically just for me, I loved it and only got rid of it a couple of years ago.  A brief history about this coat, back in the day my best friend Danny and I would visit the local thrift store on a weekly basis, it was a part of our roommate routine.  We’d both spend hours combing through old vintage clothing hoping to score some new digs, well…new to us at least.  Sifting through racks upon racks meticulously choosing what we liked, there were some hits and even more misses, the harder we looked the more gems we’d find.   One day we were both determined to score what we thought was the pinnacle of all university student thrift shopping and that was the “vintage jacket”.  It was our main objective and it wasn’t going to be easy because at the time retro jackets were a trend (we totally started it by the way).  After trying on what seemed to be every jacket they had for sale and on the verge of giving up there it was, in perfect condition, not a blemish on it and even had all the buttons still intact.  I quickly called dibs and as soon as I put the coat on I knew it was mine, fit like a glove in a very jackety way, best find ever.

(Crazy fact about the coat is that in the inside pocket there was a movie ticket stub that was issued in 1977, the same year as I was born and only 10 days off my birthday.)

Like I mentioned it was just a couple of years ago that I had to say goodbye to the old potential heirloom for it could not just hang there anymore serving no purpose.  Finally the jacket had run its course for any need that I had for it,…it was a very sad day, I said goodbye to an old friend.   I relinquished it back to the realm of thrift store purgatory where someday it might catch the eye of another retro jacket connoisseur and give someone else as much use as it did me.  That coat saw me through some of the best years of my life and when I think about it, it brings back a slew of memories.  I held on to it for as long as I could, I’d try to convince myself over and over that someday I would wear it again, someday, no seriously it still fit.  Who was I kidding?   The jacket made me look like a baby in a two sizes too small sleeper, I was clearly in denial, after a few moments alone with the coat I said a few words and placed the jacket in the goodwill bag then ran to my room crying.  No I didn’t cry, well maybe a little, it was dusty in the room.  No I was actually very happy that I donated the jacket back to where I had gotten it from some years ago, it had gone full circle and who knows where it might turn up next.

I bet as you’re reading this you too can recall some item of clothing that you held on to maybe a smidge too long and well past its closet expiry date.  I remember pairs of sneakers where my pinky toe holes gave away the colour of my socks and ball caps having sweat stain rings but it didn’t matter because of the perfect curved peek.  Looking back at my jacket, that cap and those shoes, it kind of, in a way acts like a synthetic journal quickly flashing up thoughts and memories which are forever attached to them.  There are chapters of my life that can be chronologically profiled with the help of some of my wardrobe, stages of my life that can be cat-walked down a ramp as my voice narrates in the background.  If you were to look through your closet now, is there anything that you just can’t throw away?  Are there items that have stood the test of time because you couldn’t bare parting ways with it or maybe the emotional attachment that it may hold?

Clothing can carry sentimental value for some of us, I still have to this day a dress shirt, t-shirt and suspenders combo that my grandfather use to wear.  It hangs in my closet and from time to time when I’m digging out something on a daily basis to wear I pass it on the hanger and instantly start to think about him.  My grandfather must have had twenty of the same combination of that dress shirt, t-shirt, and suspenders trifecta.  He certainly loved to rock the flannel, and  when I pass by it at the end of my shirt rack each morning I’m glad in this case I held on to the past.  I kept my grandfather’s ensemble because when I look at it, it makes me happy and when I think of him that’s how I picture him and he’s rocking the flannel as only he could.  We get these emotional attachments to the clothes that we wear because quite frankly and as funny as it may seem the clothes has been there with us the whole way.  That one suit we had straight out of college that helped us make it to interview after interview, that dress that has seen itself go from maid of honour duties to a night on the town, how something as simple as what we wore on a certain day can have so many emotions attached to it.

Emotions are one thing but people also care about their identity when we decide to put something on.  Clothing can also become synonymous with who we are, I knew a guy in high school who always wore a ball cap and he just became known for the cap, then there was the parachute pants girl, turtleneck guy…the list goes on.   I’m sure most of you can remember someone based solely on some item of clothing that they wore all the time or maybe there’s someone who you know now.  I was briefly known in political science class as the guy in the green puffy vest, yes I said “puffy”…moment of silence for the  90’s puffy vests .  Ok let’s forget the puffy green vest but my point is that certain clothing can define who we are or who we were.  I grew up playing sports and every time I put on a jersey as a kid it felt like something I would be doing for the rest of my life.   That phase came and went just as many did after, but when I see a jersey now or even get to try one on it takes me right back to the good ol’ high school days where sports consumed my life.  If you take a look at who you are today as compared to whom you were there may be similarities and I’m positive a lot of differences.  How has you’re style changed?  Has it changed at all?  Were you once a t-shirt and jeans guy and now it’s nothing only suits or maybe you’re a girl who wore nothing but black in college but now anything else is the new black.

I hope I was able to make you think a little bit with this post, sometimes when I think about something stuff just pours out.  The jacket meant a lot to me sure, but realistically it was more like a time capsule that took me right back to then and there.  So trust me, go through that closet or clean out your dressers, there may be some stories waiting for you to recreate all over again.  That coat that I bought and the day we spent at the thrift store was a day I will never forget, and a memory like that will always be worth more than the clothes on my back.

 

Merely Christmas Everybody

Remembrance Day is here and….if you haven’t already noticed, Christmas is also making its way from our subconscious to the conscious pretty quickly. It was not but the first of November when I started to see little glimpses of the holidays pop up all around me. The TV was full of toy commercials, stores all in a mad frenzy getting their Christmas displays front and center and in plain view.  Just the other day I even saw a neighbor down the street inflating a snowman on his front lawn, OK…the snowman is a bit much in my opinion but no matter what I think the holidays are out in full force.

Like most, I don’t really like to think about Christmas until after Remembrance Day but I know there are many people out there that can’t wait to start preparing their lists for another marathon of gift giving and the chaos that it brings with it.  I think we all should take the time to remember those that have given their lives and continue to give their lives for our freedom instead of allowing the thoughts of Christmas to overshadow their sacrifices.  If it were not for those sacrifices we wouldn’t have the freedoms we have today, it would be whole different world that we would be living in and that’s something that we should never forget.  Once the 11th of November gets the attention that it deserves we can all then focus on the upcoming festive season but let’s just ease into it shall we?

Not sure you feel the same but no matter where I turn these days I see Christmas already becoming mainstream with the commercials, the tv specials and my inbox at work slowly filling with invites and save the dates.  Office chatter begins to sound like to-do lists, water cooler talk fills with “started your shopping yet?”and tickets and fundraisers finally give my pocket change a purpose.  There’s no turning back now, if you have a inner Grinch then prepare to release the Kraken.

I have to admit that the holidays do bring a certain feel of anxiety for me, an anxiety that may not be warranted because no matter what, Christmas will show up and like each year before, I get through it.  That said, the thought of lists and budgets still start to dance around my head, and the radio countdown on the morning commute telling me there’s only seven more weeks to shop is very stress inducing, not going to lie.  As in years past, the promise was always to get an early jump, that seemed very practical in theory but here I am once again wishing my time back.  No matter how many times I tell myself that next year will be different, I end up in the exact same state of mind year after year, creature of habit indeed.  How can we really avoid not thinking about it anyway when it’s been thrown in your face earlier and earlier each year.  It’s hard enough to slow down in our crazy lives we don’t need to start thinking about how poor January will be the last week in October.

I don’t mean to convey that Christmas should come at a huge cost but we have to admit it does comes with some costs and we do need to be creative with balancing the books for December.  It must be really difficult for parents who find this time of the year hard to be able to get through a day without feeling the stress of affording to pull off Christmas.  This day in age there are so many things that kids want that come with a huge price tag, parents must really feel the pinch, I really don’t know how they do it.  I’m thankful for being able to provide the things required to make a happy christmas for my family, I can’t imagine what some people must be going through right now facing the same challenge.  It must be hard with all the constant reminders that I wrote about throughout this blog and if I ever have the opportunity to give back to someone in need, I do so as much as I can to hopefully help them achieve their own special holiday.  For the last two years I have helped with a huge community dinner and seeing the looks on those kids faces as they were given a gift directly from Santa with their names on it was all the reward I needed.  It was very humbling and I was happy that I had the chance to give back in a way like providing a hot meal and gifts at Christmas time.  Witnessing the reactions of the kids and seeing the parents with joy on their faces is really what the season is all about.  If you have the chance to give back I encourage you do so, you’ll get to meet some good people and be a part of something full of “feel good”.

The holidays have a different effect on all of us, we all have our own memories and feel a certain way when this time of year rolls around.  It’s a fact that Christmas, unfortunately is driven commercially and that’s why we see it so  much and so early each year.  Big corporations beating each other to the punch and tiptoeing the fine lines of what’s too soon to run their holiday campaigns.  One of the common things that I hear regarding the early jump on Christmas is the response of “not before Remembrance Day” I completely agree we that, some seem to agree as well, some say they don’t care and some say “why not both?”.  So like everything, we all can agree to disagree but individually we can make that choice for ourselves.

Time flies for sure, I just wrote in my post before this one that October was here and gone, I’m posting this today November 11th, 2016 and Christmas is like my car radio says, seven weeks away.  Everybody take a moment and realize why today is a holiday, take a moment and google some of the reasons we have the freedom to blog, post, and instagram.  Our world exist because they fought for what was right, they fought for a free world and they fought for our future and still continue to do so.  Let’s not forget and do so in your own little way, there is plenty time to put elf on the shelf and plenty time to talk gift cards.

When tomorrow comes we can all start to embrace the oncoming season of greetings, so go break out the boxes marked front porch lights and tree stand(new one), determine who makes the Christmas card list this year and who doesn’t.  Go ahead and start that holiday wish list, make sure to dig out some old recipes you keep promising to make each year and don’t, why you’re at it click some of those Christmas party responses you’ve been avoiding for a week now-it’s time.  My friends tomorrow we can all go to our respective corners and come out to take on the holidays as best we can but remember it’s “Merely Christmas Everybody” so play fair and let’s have a good season.

 

“Bully the Kid”

Geez, it has been 17 days since my last post, where has the time gone?  Now in my defence, I did have a lot going on in the last little while but…the dust has settled, the smoke has cleared and I am back in front of the keyboard doing this blogging thing that I love so much.  October was like a blink but the month has created some moments of creativity for me so I hope to share some of that in the weeks to come such as my cousin getting married so stay tuned.  In short, the ceremony was beautiful, the food was great and it was very nice to see some old friends.  Most of the family were there too and we all got the chance to spend a night together like the good old days.

My mother and stepfather stayed with us for the wedding which was a couple of weeks ago and I must say, we had a lot of fun and got in some good chats.  One of those chats we had is what lead me to make this post.  We were travelling downtown on a Sunday and my sister had been calling for my mother a few times but bad timing (mad tizzy to find a Halloween costume) just meant that mom would call her back when she could.  While we were taking a look around the Halloween store my mother finally took the call and spoke to my sister.  The call ended and my mother made me aware of what it was that my sister wanted to speak to her about.  I was instantly mad, it was about my nephew who had a experience with bullying just the night before and my sister was just letting us know.

My nephew has autism, he is a very functional independent young boy and so bright that it amazes me sometimes that he is even deemed to be.  He reads at a level beyond his years, loves conversation and is constantly wanting to know how and why things are.  He is a great kid and he reminds me of myself sometimes and now he’s getting bullied and I was kilometres away feeling completely helpless.

Like me, he too has a passion for bike-riding.  He loves riding his bike all around town and has since been visiting the local youth center which is something he used to shy away from before.  He is quiet and doesn’t like to be forced into engaging people and needs to be allowed to make those steps on his own.  He has accomplished that when it comes to this youth center, he was once scared to go but now he is there almost everyday.  He’s definitely a go-getter and if he wants something he knows he can do it but we always try to tell him that sometimes there may be obstacles.

Just a few nights ago he faced a big obstacle, he was hanging out and having fun at the center when some kids offered him an ice cream.  Accepting the ice cream and looking at it as nothing more then being friendly he thanked the young boy  and returned back to his seat to enjoy it.  It was later realized that the kids had spit in the ice cream before they had offered it to him and he blindly ate the whole thing without knowing.  It would have never been known if it were not for a young girl who told her parents who in turn called my sister to inform her of what had happened because she felt bad.  Mad was certainly an understatement for me at the time, I was full of emotions and the worst part was I couldn’t physically be there for him.  I blogged about bullying before and it was about me but now I get to see it from a uncles perspective and have to deal with those emotions, I especially didn’t like it.  Mother and I discussed it for a bit and I began to think about it a little more in depth and it got a bunch thoughts bouncing around.

Yes, I managed to make it out of high school unscathed but trust me, there were moments of bullying that I went through that weren’t pleasant experiences at all.  Now that I have a daughter that’s in university, several young nieces, nephews and cousins in high school I worry all the time that they potentially would be plagued with bullying.  I don’t let that worry consume me like most parents shouldn’t because it is another unfortunate part of life. This was a part of life that my nephew had to face and experience and no matter how much it hurt me, it had and was going to happen.  So my thought was initially the emotion that they were picking on my nephew because he was autistic but it quickly turned to  the thought of bullies just being bullies.

Here’s a honest question, have you ever bullied someone?  No matter the degree I’m sure a lot of you have bullied and there’s a good chance you’ve been bullied as well.  We all have an acquaintance with  the feelings that go with both.  I heard someone say that other day that what if we were all the same person but just living in different vessels of life, shouldn’t we treat each other like they were us?  I thought that phrase was a really good positive take on life and if true then yes I think we would treat each other differently but is that what it takes?  Bullies are scared of the unknown, scared of the different and sadly too scared to ask why?

Thinking about it since and after hearing that my nephew was doing fine after the whole ordeal, I felt better and it gave me faith that he dealt with it his way.  When we deal with things, they are our things, but when they happen to the people that we love and care for we feel panicked that we couldn’t swoop in and save the day.  Teach your kids about bullying, talk to them and see what makes them tick, find out what kind of friend your kid would make.  Bullying may always exist but as parents and role models we should do our part to teach our kids why it shouldn’t.