It’s a shame that the colour blue can sometimes share itself with a feeling. Because of that, when I feel blue on the inside, I do my best to seek a better shade on the outside. – Ash
A Shade of Ash # 37 – Right Out Of The Blue
Category: healing
My May-Day
this is a dream
I can’t be awake in this world
because you are not in it
I’ve searched everywhere but you’re gone
today though, the dream changes
I get to release a jar of hope
to make your voice the loudest
make your face come back to me oh so vividly
like the first day we met
that happy May
lately, this dream gets so close to a nightmare
because it has started to fade everything
and my jar of hope is almost empty
not enough to awaken me
to see you in reality smothers me
I gasp toward that life
choking to reach the other side
someone please shake me
tell me it’s over
give me back my biggest loss
here my may-day
Journal Entry # 243 – Today’s Special…You!
Of all the possibilities in life, you were chosen to be a part of it. Think about how special that makes you. – Ash
Journal Entry # 242 – I’m Proud to Say!
Hearing I’m proud of you doesn’t have to come from someone else. It can come from within. Now go ahead and tell yourself how proud you are for being the best you you can possibly be. – Ash
Shade of Ash # 36 – Keep Right, Accept to Pass
Coping with my anxiety is like a bike ride. It’s hard to balance. There is a chance I will fall. Sometimes I do. But, I have to keep going if I am going to learn how to ride with it. – Ash
Before Goodnight # 2
My body was controlled by my mind for a while now. Not in a good way. As my thoughts pierced me like bullets, I fell from the wounds they created. I was allowing my happiness to die by jumping in front of the fire. As I lay to sleep… my will is bulletproof. I only had to find it again. – Ash
Before Goodnight # 1
I found my way through struggle today. Like a tiny beam trying to seep its way past a thick wall, I made it to a much bigger light. As I lay to sleep… I feel strong. – Ash
The Devils Hold
I tempted the beast
lured it from its dark home
taunting and teasing
dancing with this devil carelessly
unknown my armour has dented, chinked, and worn
unaware I left my soul vulnerable
Continue reading “The Devils Hold”Empty
over there, the light
right there, darkness
down there, too deep
up there, just above water
I don’t feel the sun
I don’t walk with the moon
I am blank
…I am empty
Here Lies
I called for you last night
it wasn’t for any of those other reasons we have
this time it was to tell you I was hurting
hurting still… only differently
differently, that poetry won’t mend
differently, that thoughts of you won’t pacify
differently, that distraction from you won’t make me forget
no, this time so different that even a superhero’s cape couldn’t save me
as I sit on the other side of a mountain of hope
I always thought you would answer my cry when it felt real to you
to whatever real means to you
I have done nothing over these years but climb that hope
over and over
thinking one day I would resurrect that real and make it come alive again
to finally know that you feel something for me
maybe that’s all my own dreams
and we know dreams are not real
one day dust will sweep over my body where it lay
marked for the rest of the world
with a sentence that I still continue to call out your name
from beneath my mountain of hope
that fell and crumbled the same day as I did
…your father
Earth To Ash 