my winter retreat was lonely
flurries turned into storms
dark skies seemed always
cold bit me every second
ice through my veins stiffened from life
sharpen gales to cut me away
I was polar from everything
sitting barren
until her voice
her light
all that warmth from beyond
chiselled me free of that void capsule
I am her sun
she is my days
It is cold where I linger
my body numbs to something sharp
all I can do is watch like I am in the clouds
only I walk amongst those but they don’t see me
heart beating so fast it deafens any cry I make
the world goes around with me no longer attached
because I float between realms of real and dreams
waking up in neither
any rest I get is a gift
like cheddar to keep me in hiding
away, under… behind
on this journey along an unmarked trail
in a story between the lines
under this one light
in the amber hue, I have my portal to then
an eve painted in summer
teenage banter filled the air as crushes bloomed
and comradery flourished
cool breezes were another layer of skin
traffic and the passerbys provided background noise
like an orchestra playing a scene of those wonder years
time dared not show its face where we ran, we played
all of us together having no clue one day we would grow apart
as age banished our internal youth
but for that very moment, a looping memory was being created
for everyone, I’m sure, for me… for sure
against the fade of those nights that will stand the test of tomorrows to come
I remember because each second I stand here in the illuminated golden of right now
my heart minted in aurulent
keeping this memory where I leave it
under this one light
I run toward nothing
I have nowhere to go but I’m running
away from the person you think I am
away from the shadow you say I cast
my heart getting weaker the further I go
there is no voice calling my name
no soul missing mine
my blood is useless
it means nothing to anyone anymore
soon I will be far away
nothing will bring me back
life will have stretched the whole distance
from where I was to where you left me
a lifetime too late
I am in the middle of the ocean with no shore
at night when there is no day
wading in silence, not worth a sound
barely swimming above the darkness of my abyss
tired, weak… alone
the deep is calling
its black swallowing light
there are monsters showing beneath
I can’t tell if they feed or if they need
the pieces of me that sink here to the bottom
phantoms in the fathoms pull me under
I will see waves no more
if I drift down too far below my surface
white
white everywhere
no walls
no floor
no ceiling
just white
am I touching anything
am I alive
where is the door through which I come
did I walk through by will
is this punishment for the black
is this void now my penance
I feel no love
I feel no loss
where are my memories
tell me what sin lead me here
I can’t see in this light
because of my darkness
when the blueberries come back…so do you
we’re together again
scraping and scrounging along the hillside
every three paces we fill our cups
the colour blue today is for happiness
its sweet taste…a reminder of your touch
as I hold a few on the day they first appear
the air is the same chill
trees with the same tinge of change
cloud shadows still pass over me like they did
I see them at my feet
I am seven again
catching up with your pace
as my bucket spills over
on blueberry hill
summer is closing
September trips at its door
a fall worth taking
I found a lost pen
started to write words with it
forever, I write
6:05 kicking rocks
every stride a pebble or two
summer hugging me the whole way
the sun was slowly packing up for the day
and the moon would be here in a few hours
Saturday so lazy dogs paid no mind to pesky flies
or to an orange cat nibble-ling a rickety fence
right there, in front me as my freedom faded away
6:06 I placed my gaze everywhere
taking in as much still time as I could
before drunkards beckon me
fill me full of lies, blow smoke in my face
tell me I’m cute when no one’s watching
and shout more regretful things
make promises…break promises
dance
sing
love
hate
take swings
jest
do it all past the pale of moonlight
or until clocks shoo them away
to the place they all knew my name
the walk to a bartender
was a rehearsal
for a keeper of tabs
a keeper of secrets
a keeper of ale
it’s 6:07
what can I get ya…
Earth To Ash 