It was as midnight as midnight could be
that late, dogs cried at the moon
all the way down
as I followed you
straight to an early grave
not once knowing
ignorant, childish, wishing for my own home
we shared nothing
no words, not a glance, not even…presence
only fading footsteps in the rain
before you went to a place you felt you had to
regret I held in a subtle hello
maybe I would have turned it off
stood a final chance
and shooed the voice away from you
when lady death came teasing your ear?
there was no way I, me…
someone who would just threaten a made up mind
compete that night
with deathly songs of teenage tragedy
singing you toward an infinite dark
by the tune of your own broken heart
stealing any lust left for tomorrow
as you walked toward the Bluest Oyster
never to see you again
Today, I don’t want to exist.
Tomorrow is fine, but not today.
Today, I don’t deserve anything.
I hate the happiness, I hate the gift ideas.
I hate the attempts to cheer me up from friends and family.
I hate cards, I hate phone calls, I hate the internet.
I hate robbing my stepfather from his day, I’m so damn sorry.
I hate Sundays, I hate barbecues, I hate gatherings and music.
I hate being called something I’m not, stop telling me different.
Stop!!! It only encourages me and I lie to myself again.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter wishes were still with us.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter celebrates beating Cancer.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter begs freed from behind bars.
I’m not even a Dad a son or daughter forgives for his mistakes.
I’m not a Dad…and I have all the scars to prove it.
I walk this earth an alien
no place here for a castaway
surrounded all the time
My blood, it’s not like yours
it makes things you love disappear
with a few black beers for luck
stood elbow to elbow
in the midst of strange drunkards
three sheets to the wind
placing little wagers before the clock struck
and the tender turns us away
like the last three nights we’ve been
Picking rain touches
seen there beyond the window
blending with our tears
Dead of winter
as the winds howl
I’m still out there searching for you
footprints quickly cover
forgetting how far I’ve come
my hands, no longer feel
my breath, stolen
my eyes, blinded by this storm
my heart, almost empty
A cold beer ran down my lips, to my chin
in a moment I knew would last a lifetime
there was a pool table…balls racked
ready for a break
some girl singing on the radio
we both sang a few of the words
those we could remember
all night we competed
best in banter,
best in billards,
best in brew,
never best in friends
that belonged to you
I wanted to drop in and let you all know that one of my most recent poems has been published on Spillwords. It’s live as of today. I submitted it a little while ago, they liked it, and informed me last week of their intention to share it for their own audience. It made my day and gave me something to smile about given the world’s current state. (A post about that is coming) Now, some of you have already read this poem here on my site, but I thought I would go ahead and share it once more to help take our minds off some of the craziness that’s going on.
As always, I hope you enjoy it. Please don’t forget to comment and tell me what you think. It’s all of you and your continued support that drives my writing and I’m lucky to have such a awesome following.
So, without further adieu, please click this link and move on over to Spillwords.com and enjoy Ash to Dust.
Stay safe, practise social distancing, and we’ll get through this troubled time together.
One word at a time, let us take back our lives.
Take me to a Spring
where every day was as young as I
and the sun would come winking through the curtains
I’m looking around,
at him, at her, at them
mad, confused…mostly scared
of something that may not even be there
and all I can think about is you