Ash, And I Will Tell!

Hey everyone,

I went for a walk last night and did something I don’t think I have done in a long time, and that was say…out loud, that “I’m Thankful!” Thankful for seeing another gorgeous sunset. Thankful for the crisp cool air that I was breathing, the sounds of birds in the distance, the hilltops, the shoreline, the waves, the paths I was taking, thankful for my family, my friends, and, most importantly, thankful for being there in the moment. You know what happened when I did that? Well, an overwhelming sense of genuine happiness that’s what. I felt awesome, I really did. I could immediately feel a rush of endorphins running through my veins, my pulse raced, and my lungs filled to capacity. It was truly great to be alive.

Far too many times in my life have I conceded to the bad things that happen to me. Things that go wrong, things I don’t have. Things I think I need or want. Too many times have I allowed those feelings to consume me. But, almost never do I take the time enough to be thankful for what I do have in my life. At least I don’t catch myself doing it as much as I go off on the negative things and allow them to fester and linger. It seems the negative gets way more stage time. So, last night on that brisk stroll, I must have had some sort of awakening, because as I was taking in all that fresh September air with a slight tinge of salt, I realized how being that way was robbing me of my happiness once again. Robbing me of right now. I hate feeling that way, with a passion. Only, when I start to recognize it, I’m already stuck in a glass prism and can’t escape. I become a functional zombie going through the motions forgetting what matters to me, like doing this, like writing.

Most of you have probably noticed how scarce it’s been around here lately. I even got called out a few weeks ago for it by a fellow blogger. It’s true, my posts have been few and far between and a little empty in a sense. Sure, I had intent and purpose when I posted them, but it’s not the Ash you or I are used to. Let’s be honest, I checked out. Don’t worry, I’ve given myself a good going over for it many times and this entry is my sorry to you. Sorry for ghosting a bit. It’s still a crazy 2020, for me at least. A part of me has become shredded with holes from the emotional bullets of traversing a new ever-changing world. Enduring this pandemic has forced me to fight some sort of battle, new ones for sure, almost everyday. It’s exhausting. Most days, I bring a good fight, but, I’m human as well, there have been days where I just wanted to tap out. Usually, when that happens, the only thing that can snap me out of the funk is writing. So far, it’s pulling me from the clouds of doubt. Keep going, Ash.

OK, about now, you’re most likely wanting me to give you the what’s up? Why so grim? What’s the matter? Earth to Ash, where have you been? Well, let’s see, in the last few months, I have lost my job, had to move residences, had a fire at the new home, Poppy, our dog, had surgery, my mom had a heart issue and literally had surgery yesterday, and about two weeks ago, my spouse and I almost hit a moose while travelling on a pitch dark highway toward home. The latter almost being responsible for Earth to Ash becoming Heaven to Ash. No joke. It was crazy and a moment where you feel like God must have had taken the wheel. Mere seconds and it could had been game over I swear. Moose are extremely common around here on our highways, but in all my years, I have never come so close. It took a couple days to shake it off to be honest. At the same time there’s also a part of me that thinks that event was the shake I needed. To make me realize that at any moment things can go south, and then what? What is all the worrying going to do? Nothing, so stop doing it, Ash. I remember telling myself those very words the next morning walking the dog. I realized the universe speaks to us sometimes, I guess I have to start listening more carefully. And, use my high beams more efficiently.

Now, with that clump of misfortune and morbid dialogue behind me, I want to confirm to you all that I am doing fine. The job, I do have to admit that that one was hard to swallow. It came unexpected and I guess the anxieties stem from the fact that it’s a COVID world out there and I need to find a new job. Though, I’m optimistic and trying my best to take deep breaths in finding my way back to the workforce. The fire. The fire was indeed dramatic. All I remember was coming down stairs half asleep, trying to figure out what was going on and at the same time swiftly grabbing the watercooler bottle by the front door and shaking it violently on the fire in nothing only my underwear. That visual aside and all damages assessed, it was ultimately minimal with a smidge of that was scary. As for Poppy, our dog, she went through a Spay surgery. It was delayed because of COVID and needed to be done. Pun intended. She was super throughout the whole process and she’s back to being the little Popstar she’s always been. The moose thing though, that was a eye-opener, literally! It was sooo close. Listen, no word of a lie, strike me down as I type this. I would say only a few short minutes from the incident, I was legit thinking…that if we did hit a moose, my reaction, if I had one, would be to quickly pull my fiance head down into my crotch. No, mind out of gutter please. The reason being is as when a thousand pound animal such as a moose comes crashing across a very low profile vehicle like ours, someone is destined to be paralyzed or worse, decapitated. If that were to be the case, I’d rather it be me. I know, why were you thinking that, Ash? Morbid thinking much? I have no idea why, it was really dark and I was off in my own head somewhere. But, like I said, ninety seconds later, Boom! Mr. Moose. Running on the highway from the left. I was lucky enough to see the flickering of legs against the light of my head lamps. Saw that, then looked up slightly and Holy Sh*t! MOOSE! God, Nan in heaven, Pop in heaven, I don’t really know who, but someone other than me took that wheel, we avoid. Happened faster than I typed the word moose. It was truly an insane two or three seconds which were went by like extreme slow-motion. It was like God saying, nah, not yet, this guys has more to say. If he ever gets backs to writing that is.

Speaking of God, Ahem! Oh my God! I finished a post. I can’t believe I got this entry out of me. It would amaze you how many times I have tried these past few weeks. Now, it’s done and I can’t help but feel even more awesome. See, life is good. Friends, these last couple months have really induced a horrible bout of block which has been extremely tough to break through. Sorry again for not letting you in on my struggles. I hope you understand and I hope you continue to be the ears to my voice. I can’t say enough how much your loyalty means to me. Thanks for continuing to drop by for a read and to catch up on Earth to Ash. I’ve missed this exchange terribly. There’s also blogging friends I want to tip my hat to as well. I need to virtually drop by and say hello too, it’s overdue. There’s so much to celebrate when I think about it. One thing in particular, and a good way to end this post, mentioning my mom’s heart issue, she was successful yesterday with her surgery. So, she’s now on the mend and ready to face the next challenge thrown at her. She’s a real trooper, my mother, she has MS, and because of that, she’s has complications stemming from challenges living with such a horrible disease. Although, there’s nothing that can beat her or keep that woman down, there is too might fight in her, and it’s exactly where I get it from. Life is very good because she’s in it.

Before I go, I want to say one more time how much I appreciate you, all of you. You keep coming back day after day and I’m forever and ever grateful. I hope you’re well, I hope your families are safe, and I hope life is good for you.

Take care everyone, and keep being you!!!

Until…





11 Comments on “Ash, And I Will Tell!

  1. I was about to ask you what excuses you have for not writing while being unemployed. But I know that life can be a handful and you’ve explained that perfectly. Glad to hear that everyone’s doing well.

    Ehmr… you said spouse, and then fiance. Which one is it? Or do you have both?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey, glad to hear from you. Yeah, been in a funk, weird headspace place. The clouds are passing. Thanks, too. Fiance, but we’ve been together a very long time so spouse…hahaha

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Tears here buddy,keep up the fight.Don,t reach for things you can,t reach hold dearly things you can.Aq

    Sent from my iPhone

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My goodness! I hardly know where to begin! My head is telling and Im6sure to leave something out.
    Let me start here…I’m so sorry for everything you guys have been going through! (My mind wonders—wonder what it’d be like to live where moose are a common sight? That’d be awesome!)
    I’m back! Seems like so many people I know are in serious need of prayer and encouragement right now so while on this prayer train, I’m throwing you guys on board. Praying for you and yours in all your circumstances. When it rains, it pours but the storm always passes and it will for you too. I know everything is going to be just fine and before you know it, this will all will be nothing but a memory.
    I’m a pretty big believer that when things go badly, it very often is to force us out of one place and into a better one meant for us.
    Our great dane was just spayed as we but had a much more treacherous time of it. I was sure several times in the first 3 days th as t we were going to lose her. Thankfully she turned the corner and got over the hump. So glad you mom is doing well! Praying for a speedy recovery.
    Glad to see you back here💕 Chin up friend. Everything’s going to be alright

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, Laura. When I got up this morning and had seen you connected, I instantly had to smile. Thank you so much for all these kind and caring words. Yeah, I believe right there with you, I am looking at it that way, there is something better on the horizon I’m sure of it. As for your dog, I’m sorry your dog had a hard time of it, I hope she bounced back and took a turn for the better and is on full mend. I so happy to hear from you and I appreciate all your prayers. I’m lucky to have a friend in you. Take care, Laura and God bless.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I was so glad to see you post! The news may not have been stellar but I knew you guys were and will be ok and what are friends for if not to help us get over the rough spots? We remind one another that we arent alone, someone cares and that better days are just ahead. Added bonus…..I get to rejoice with you too as each new blessing falls into place.
        I find just very friend in you too.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, as for the moose thing, crazy story aside, they are a wonderful animal to see in the wild and we get to from time to time. It’s awesome. 🙂

      Like

  4. Ash! You’re awesome my friend! Life has a funny way of showing/teaching us the value of what we have and what we’ve lost! You’ve been silent and I’ve been silent! I’ve been posting daily and just going through the motions. I haven’t gone through everything you’ve experienced, but I think I might have hit a mosquito or two while driving in Miami. Definitely not a Moose! i have the utmost respect and admiration for you! Thank you for sharing your journey thus far. You are not alone! Let’s organize a Zoom meeting………

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Orlando, instant smile buddy. Thanks for the message and yeah, it’s been a spell. lol But, I’m bouncing back…and I would jump at the opportunity to connect online, overdue in my opinion, hehe. It’s been years my friend and I’m so lucky to have your friendship. Take care!!!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: