Ashfirmation # 2 – Seriously, Go Change

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The advice I give to people close to me who want to change their life is to start now for no reason. Control your goals, don’t allow them to control you. – Ash

Journal Entry # 239 – When You Make Time, You Take Time

Today, I spent some time between the seconds. Life around me filled me with wonder. I watched as a butterfly caught its breath, a flock of seagulls stretched their wings, and the ocean simply lapped the awaiting shore. Make up for your lost time by taking advantage of the free stuff. – Ash

A Shade of Ash # 21 – Heart to Heart

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I mentioned my daughter today as I always do in conversation. Oddly enough, to someone the same age as her. The response, “If she is anything like you, Ash, I’m sure she is just as awesome.” My heart sank. Why does the rest of the world see what she cannot? Why do I try to convince myself that what they say is not true because it is not told to me by her? Why do I feel broken and all she did was just sweep away the pieces? Questions I ask all the time because I hurt all the time. Something must be wrong with me. 
 
But then someone comes along and suddenly, my reflection in the mirror changes. The questions disappear as I find another piece of me that was thrown away. Returned by a friendly face reminding me how my big my heart actually is.

A Walk to Bartender

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6:05 kicking rocks
every stride a pebble or two
summer hugging me the whole way
the sun was slowly packing up for the day 
and the moon would be here in a few hours 
Saturday so lazy dogs paid no mind to pesky flies 
or to an orange cat nibble-ling a rickety fence 
right there, in front me as my freedom faded away

6:06 I placed my gaze everywhere 
taking in as much still time as I could 
before drunkards beckon me 
fill me full of lies, blow smoke in my face
tell me I’m cute when no one’s watching
and shout more regretful things 
make promises…break promises 
dance 
sing
love 
hate
take swings
jest 
do it all past the pale of moonlight
or until clocks shoo them away

to the place they all knew my name
the walk to a bartender
was a rehearsal
for a keeper of tabs
a keeper of secrets
a keeper of ale
it’s 6:07
what can I get ya…