A Heart to Live, Not to Love

Sometimes, I think my heart breaks without telling me
Like it’s trying to feel something it once did before
Though, if I allow myself to give in to its longing
I’ll go and break it even more

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The Black Journal – (Break Room, Over Lunch)

Friday, 5:40 p.m.
(Ethan and Sarah come up short with their first visit to The Keep. They decide to spend most of the afternoon going over the witness statements from the bar and various other items of interest scattered in a brown file on a lunchroom table)

Awfully quiet, how’s your Chinese food?

What? Oh, ah…it’s good, it’s good.

Is that right? Well, you wouldn’t say that by what’s left there on your plate. Sarah, you’ve haven’t eaten a thing. You’re not still mad at me, are you?

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The Black Journal – (Pulled up in front of The Keep)

(Shortly after the briefing, Ethan and Sarah find themselves downtown at the bar, The Keep, the victims last known whereabouts and the potential for video evidence. As they slowly exit their vehicle, a homeless man suddenly appears from the alley motioning toward the door.)

Friday, 9:46 A.M.

It’s closed!

Excuse me?

The bar, it’s closed. Not open yet, doesn’t til six. It’s written right there on that sign.

Right, thanks for pointing that out.
Listen, I’m Det. Frost and this is Det. Wilson.
Jamestown Police Department.
Tell me…ah, is that yours? Around the corner over there? Do you live in those boxes by the dumpster?

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The Black Journal – Chief’s Office, Over Coffee, Pre-Briefing

Friday, 8:05 A.M.

Good morning, Det. Frost…coffee?

Morning chief, sure, thanks.

Frost, I didn’t sleep very well last night. Do you know why that is?

Why is that chief? Go ahead and enlighten me.

It’s because of our latest homicide case. It’s gone and made my damn ulcer act up again. It bloody well kept me up most of the night. Frost, this guy’s sending a clear message here, but who the hell is it for?

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Recovery

This time it didn’t matter if I held you
I guess my heart grew stronger from all the breaks
Like a junky with a kicked addiction
my track marks no longer have aches

I fought through the pain of withdrawal
alone and in despair
Worth nothing more to you, forgotten
in some gutter behind nowhere

Day and night I yearned for another fix
even if it was to be my last
Only it was you who controlled the poison
Stronger than any vial or any glass

I had to kick this dirty habit
I just had to say goodbye
For the therapy of holding on to you
was worse than coming down from the high

Now, my veins are finally clean
suppressed from the urge of you
It took my own rock bottom to discover…
that a drug can be tainted too

Bar Keep

When I turned that key, the night was finally over
It wasn’t easy, they threw a few fists
Mad that the ale had dried up

Now, in the calm of being left alone
I would start with the ashes
dumping out another one of those “greatest nights ever”

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The Black Journal (The Boardwalk, Morning Run, Stretching By The Car)

Friday, 7:14 A.M

Sarah! Hey, Sarah…wait up!

Jessie, Jess!
How? I thought you were still in Texas?

I am. Well, I’m still there that is. I’m only back for a few days, one of Charlie’s college friends is getting married. Our plane touched down maybe an hour ago, and knowing you’re still a creature of habit, I knew right where to find you.

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Like I Wasn’t Even There

Sure, the memories
But, the smell, the taste, the touch,
All still left to make believe
I miss…
The very start
Opening characters, scene one
Greener grass, the bluest skies, salty ocean
That street light at night where I would measure my shadow to the tip of the moon
Those flaked fences, white
A particular damp night sky that I loved and haven’t smelt in a long, long time
Tipped-toed curbs, run past the shop
Yes, my eyes could go blind and I would still make it anyway
Follow the path by memory alone…to my home
Grab a bunch of those crazy flowers along the way
But now, I can only recount
because tomorrow had to come
and now strangers walk about
like I was never even there