A constant tiredness reminds me of how far I’ve come, this journey wears on me.
Every day I dream with no idea of when I get to wake up.
Always running towards something I believe doesn’t really exist, tormented with doubt, troubled with expectation.
I get a glimpse sometimes but it obscures quickly because it was never meant for me.
So again I move on as I always have and wait for it to be my turn.
Little lady, what’s your hurry?
Up the road in such a scurry.
Never you mind,
I will get there on time,
so please, you need not worry.
I’m off to church, my faith to search,
I could do this every day.
So here I go and as you know,
tomorrow I’ll be back this way.
That day I made my way over to where he stood, a place where our dialogue did not require words.
His leg braced his posture while he watched the shoreline lap, his boat sits on a harbor of illusion until the ripples break away its silhouette.
Our eyes to the horizon with the evening sky blushing back at us,
We agreed to just watch, agreed to just be there together…
I don’t know what it’s like,
Something’s always missing.
The way you used to see me is lost;
Not you, that’s me.
Close sometimes to normal,
Close sometimes to right.
I live, I breathe, but only to exist.
My inner voice holding my hand,
The silence from others is loud.
Shouting quiet words to myself.
Whispers catch in the static, going forever unheard.
Life chases my soul to the finish line,
Pieces keep falling away…
Yesterday was “me Wednesday”, the sun was shining, March was upon us and I saw a person with what I thought was dirt on their face. Actually, yesterday marked the first day of Lent (pun intended) where many people around the world went to mass. Specifically, Christians attend mass and receive ashes of burnt palm branches on their forehead in the shape of a cross to symbolize repentance and confess their sins. Ok, I googled that, (sorry God) but once I realized that yesterday was Ash Wednesday, it did get me thinking about how Church was a big part of my life at one point which in turn made me think of my grandmother who was the primary reason it was.
I know for a fact she wouldn’t be too happy to hear that I have drifted away from religion so much over the years. As I thought about it more, I wondered if faith was a void in my life, am I missing it? I ask that question from time to time, I think a lot of people do. Life is full of moments where it’s just us alone with our inner voice that guides us through the peaks and valleys. I’m Catholic, I was taught religion growing up but once I left school and moved away from my hometown, I strayed from the flock as it were. I still believe don’t get me wrong, it’s just my opinion on religion can vary sometimes along with my faith. Faith is a very strong thing to have, it can help you through some of the worst times and can give you hope when you need it the most. We need something to call upon when life challenges us, it gives us something to hold on to when we are at our weakest, and provides comfort in times of doubt.
People find faith in so many different things traditional and non-traditional, it’s up to us, we can believe in other things that don’t have to be contingent on being some sort of higher power. Quite frankly, we can choose to believe in nothing at all, those who feel no need to place their “faith” in anything other than themselves carry on just as fine as someone who practices religion. Ultimately, we all need to show acceptance and tolerance to religious differences, our world still needs work when it comes to loving thy neighbor. No matter where I look, there seems to be conflict, people hurting others over the color of their skin, the language they speak or religion they practice. The big picture, we differ from far more reasons than I just mentioned but we fail to see the one constant that remains in each of us which is the most important and that is, we’re all human beings.