Shade of Ash # 36 – Keep Right, Accept to Pass

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Coping with my anxiety is like a bike ride. It’s hard to balance. There is a chance I will fall. Sometimes I do. But, I have to keep going if I am going to learn how to ride with it. – Ash

Deadman’s Cove

there was a day when the grass was the perfect green

the ocean glistened in morse code

each sparkle a story of its own

as I step lightly from rock to stone

saltwater breaths dry my lips

I wet them for a taste

we all know that birds sing

listen when they do

let them play out the tides

like that day that was just for me

on that beach of memories

with a shore full of driftwood and kelp

props in a backdrop of a day in my life

when I hear a crashing wave

when a warm breeze teases my step

and when mother nature holds out her hand

I grab on and go back again

Here Lies

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I called for you last night

it wasn’t for any of those other reasons we have

this time it was to tell you I was hurting

hurting still… only differently

differently, that poetry won’t mend

differently, that thoughts of you won’t pacify

differently, that distraction from you won’t make me forget

no, this time so different that even a superhero’s cape couldn’t save me

as I sit on the other side of a mountain of hope

I always thought you would answer my cry when it felt real to you

to whatever real means to you

I have done nothing over these years but climb that hope

over and over

thinking one day I would resurrect that real and make it come alive again

to finally know that you feel something for me

maybe that’s all my own dreams

and we know dreams are not real

one day dust will sweep over my body where it lay

marked for the rest of the world

with a sentence that I still continue to call out your name

from beneath my mountain of hope

that fell and crumbled the same day as I did

…your father

Second Thoughts # 4 – Reely Missed

Relying solely on a section of the newspaper for a movie choice. The excitement of going down through the listings and reading the few lines of script that best described the movie with so few words. You’d spend extra time on the showings with an accompanying photo being most likely the blockbusters. Debate with your fellow movie-goer until the show times force you to pick. Shit, it’s twenty-to. We have to leave if we want to make the 6:00.

I’m telling you. It was a vibe, a feel, an event. I miss it on second thought and wish sometimes we didn’t have to go so fast. – Ash 

Come Rise, My Sun

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my winter retreat was lonely
flurries turned into storms
dark skies seemed always
cold bit me every second
ice through my veins stiffened from life
sharpen gales to cut me away
I was polar from everything
sitting barren
until her voice
her light
all that warmth from beyond
chiselled me free of that void capsule
I am her sun
she is my days

Under This One Light

under this one light

in the amber hue, I have my portal to then

an eve painted in summer

teenage banter filled the air as crushes bloomed

and comradery flourished

cool breezes were another layer of skin

traffic and the passerbys provided background noise

like an orchestra playing a scene of those wonder years

time dared not show its face where we ran, we played

all of us together having no clue one day we would grow apart

as age banished our internal youth

but for that very moment, a looping memory was being created

for everyone, I’m sure, for me… for sure

against the fade of those nights that will stand the test of tomorrows to come

I remember because each second I stand here in the illuminated golden of right now

my heart minted in aurulent

keeping this memory where I leave it

under this one light