Hidden Smile

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If you see me sometime and I don’t look your way,
I beg your pardon, just not myself today.

My smile is hidden, my laughter’s gone quiet.
Contrast to normal, I mean not to try it.

The struggle within is a battle some time,
feels like a mountain that’s too high to climb.

It’s lonely in there, just me and my thought.
Understand why? You probably will not.

If you see me displaced, please keep your intention.
Show me concern and give me attention.

There’s a smile inside, it just got displaced.
Knowing you care will bring it back to my face.

The Shine of Your Sun

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My silhouette has faded, the lines have all blurred.
Struggling within, with what may have occurred.

At what point was there a turn that was made?
My shadow eclipsed and now has no shade.

Feels like a prison but though there are no bars that confine me,
yet I serve my own sentence that will forever bind me.

To what makes me the reason? To what makes me the cause?
To what makes me regret that I showed you my flaws.

I know there’ll be a day when you’ll see how come.
Because my shadow will return from the shine of your sun.

Little Lady

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Little lady, what’s your hurry?
Up the road in such a scurry.

Never you mind,
I will get there on time,
so please, you need not worry.

I’m off to church, my faith to search,
I could do this every day.

So here I go and as you know,
tomorrow I’ll be back this way.

 

That Day

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That day I made my way over to where he stood, a place where our dialogue did not require words.

His leg braced his posture while he watched the shoreline lap, his boat sits on a harbor of illusion until the ripples break away its silhouette.

Our eyes to  the horizon with the evening sky blushing back at us,
We agreed to just watch, agreed to just be there together…

That day.

 

Missing

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I don’t know what it’s like,
Something’s always missing.

The way you used to see me is lost;
Not you, that’s me.

Close sometimes to normal,
Close sometimes to right.

But…only close.

 

The Silence

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I live, I breathe, but only to exist.

My inner voice holding my hand,
The silence from others is loud.

Shouting quiet words to myself.
Whispers catch in the static, going forever unheard.

Life chases my soul to the finish line,
Pieces keep falling away…

catch them.

Ash Wednesday

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Yesterday was “me Wednesday”, the sun was shining, March was upon us and I saw a person with what I thought was dirt on their face. Actually, yesterday marked the first day of Lent (pun intended) where many people around the world went to mass. Specifically, Christians attend mass and receive ashes of burnt palm branches on their forehead in the shape of a cross to symbolize repentance and confess their sins. Ok, I googled that, (sorry God) but once I realized that yesterday was Ash Wednesday, it did get me thinking about how Church was a big part of my life at one point which in turn made me think of my grandmother who was the primary reason it was.

I know for a fact she wouldn’t be too happy to hear that I have drifted away from religion so much over the years. As I thought about it more, I wondered if faith was a void in my life, am I missing it? I ask that question from time to time, I think a lot of people do. Life is full of moments where it’s just us alone with our inner voice that guides us through the peaks and valleys. I’m Catholic, I was taught religion growing up but once I left school and moved away from my hometown, I strayed from the flock as it were. I still believe don’t get me wrong, it’s just my opinion on religion can vary sometimes along with my faith. Faith is a very strong thing to have, it can help you through some of the worst times and can give you hope when you need it the most. We need something to call upon when life challenges us, it gives us something to hold on to when we are at our weakest, and provides comfort in times of doubt.

People find faith in so many different things traditional and non-traditional, it’s up to us, we can believe in other things that don’t have to be contingent on being some sort of higher power. Quite frankly, we can choose to believe in nothing at all, those who feel no need to place their “faith” in anything other than themselves carry on just as fine as someone who practices religion. Ultimately, we all need to show acceptance and tolerance to religious differences, our world still needs work when it comes to loving thy neighbor. No matter where I look, there seems to be conflict, people hurting others over the color of their skin, the language they speak or religion they practice. The big picture, we differ from far more reasons than I just mentioned but we fail to see the one constant that remains in each of us which is the most important and that is, we’re all human beings.

 

Another Chance

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I’m lonely now,
Because time pushes me further away.

I would go back if you’d meet me there;
By your side one last time.

Hold on, hold.

Familiar Breeze

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As the breeze blows I feel;
I think of you.

A warm breeze, it’s familiar;
The wind is something I remember.

Loved one, gone.
Impossible to lose the memories of
their touch, it’s familiar.

Their embrace is something I remember.

Snow Place Like Home

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Just made it in from digging out from yet another snow day, we are on day two of a marathon of bad weather.  Snow days I like, the shoveling not so much, if you have read any of my recent posts you should know by now that I am not a fan of winter and a big part of that is the shoveling.  I am one of those who still has to shovel out, no snowblower for me, it’s two legs and a heartbeat that gets me through it. This winter has been especially bad and it still seems like spring is nowhere in sight. After many weather-related conversations this week, there is a general consensus that this winter season is really wearing on us all but “hey, at least we have storm chips”.

Yeah, they’re a thing, I was at the supermarket the other day and a lady in front me was chatting with the cashier and mentioned she was on the hunt for a bag.  Now I need to back up a sec to provide some background on this newest phenomenon called “storm chips”. I live in Newfoundland and we are notorious for bad winter storms, and something else we are notorious for is preparing for one. We take our storm days seriously, there’s booze to be purchased, electronic devices that need charging and of course the “storm chips”, snacks are essential. Social media has added momentum I’ve noticed, to this pre-storm ritual, we now live in a world where something like a #STORMCHIPS hashtag can bring a community together while mother nature drops by to throw up.

It’s true, we have come a long way when it comes to how we spend our snow days. One huge example of that is technology, it allows all of us who have to endure a winter wallop to connect and share how each of us, are surviving our snowy sequester. Snow days are a much needed day off work for some, you don’t have to worry that you didn’t make it in because no one else did either. It’s now a chance to binge-watch some Netflix and make it through that next season, maybe grab some games from the closet to challenge the kids, or curl up with that book you’ve been meaning to read. Some even brave the elements and venture outside for a wintery walk hoping the coffee shop on the corner managed to open, the possibilities are endless.

There was a moment as I peeked outside while the freezing rain tapped against the window that I thought back to my youth.  I remember mornings my grandparents chatted while I laid in my bed trying to make out what they were saying, I knew it had to be because of the weather because I couldn’t see out my window-oh boy! As the morning went on my confidence grew, the fact that my grandmother, who was my alarm clock for my entire school career, was still yet to crack my door and give my bed a shake was a high probability of a snow day. No happier feeling than being a kid and being told school was canceled and the day was all mine. My snow days are enjoyed from an adult’s perspective nowadays but my inner child still enjoys the anticipation.

Shoveling is all done and the city is moving again, life is slowly getting back to normal. We received give or take, 60 centimeters of snow these last two days, two snow days in a row which is like seeing a unicorn. The rumor of bad weather hits everyone differently, kids don’t count because we all know how they feel. The palette of colors plastered on the meteorologist’s teleprompter can make some cringe, others take it as a warning to start their supply list right away at the whisper of a few flakes. Snow days aren’t going anywhere and no matter how you feel about spending a day stormbound we have no other choice but to wait it out. Take this free day to catch up on things you may not have enough time for normally like cleaning the house, doing a craft or reading a book (or this blog-shameless plug). Newfoundlanders have existed on this rock in the Atlantic for a very long time, yes we may complain, it’s our culture to always talk about the weather because it’s a big part of who we are. It doesn’t matter the forecast anyway because when it comes to a winter in Newfoundland, one thing’s for sure, there’s snow place like home.