Coping with my anxiety is like a bike ride. It’s hard to balance. There is a chance I will fall. Sometimes I do. But, I have to keep going if I am going to learn how to ride with it. – Ash
Shade of Ash # 36 – Keep Right, Accept to Pass
Category: mental health
Before Goodnight # 2
My body was controlled by my mind for a while now. Not in a good way. As my thoughts pierced me like bullets, I fell from the wounds they created. I was allowing my happiness to die by jumping in front of the fire. As I lay to sleep… my will is bulletproof. I only had to find it again. – Ash
Before Goodnight # 1
I found my way through struggle today. Like a tiny beam trying to seep its way past a thick wall, I made it to a much bigger light. As I lay to sleep… I feel strong. – Ash
The Devils Hold
I tempted the beast
lured it from its dark home
taunting and teasing
dancing with this devil carelessly
unknown my armour has dented, chinked, and worn
unaware I left my soul vulnerable
Continue reading “The Devils Hold”Empty
over there, the light
right there, darkness
down there, too deep
up there, just above water
I don’t feel the sun
I don’t walk with the moon
I am blank
…I am empty
Here Lies
I called for you last night
it wasn’t for any of those other reasons we have
this time it was to tell you I was hurting
hurting still… only differently
differently, that poetry won’t mend
differently, that thoughts of you won’t pacify
differently, that distraction from you won’t make me forget
no, this time so different that even a superhero’s cape couldn’t save me
as I sit on the other side of a mountain of hope
I always thought you would answer my cry when it felt real to you
to whatever real means to you
I have done nothing over these years but climb that hope
over and over
thinking one day I would resurrect that real and make it come alive again
to finally know that you feel something for me
maybe that’s all my own dreams
and we know dreams are not real
one day dust will sweep over my body where it lay
marked for the rest of the world
with a sentence that I still continue to call out your name
from beneath my mountain of hope
that fell and crumbled the same day as I did
…your father
Second Thoughts # 4 – Reely Missed
Relying solely on a section of the newspaper for a movie choice. The excitement of going down through the listings and reading the few lines of script that best described the movie with so few words. You’d spend extra time on the showings with an accompanying photo being most likely the blockbusters. Debate with your fellow movie-goer until the show times force you to pick. Shit, it’s twenty-to. We have to leave if we want to make the 6:00.
I’m telling you. It was a vibe, a feel, an event. I miss it on second thought and wish sometimes we didn’t have to go so fast. – Ash
Journal Entry # 241 – Be a Port of a Moment
There’s a time and a place. Thank advantage of both. – Ash
Second Thoughts # 3 – Huge Sense of Tilt
The feeling of making it halfway to where you’re walking and realizing the rest of the way is downhill. – Ash
Come Rise, My Sun
my winter retreat was lonely
flurries turned into storms
dark skies seemed always
cold bit me every second
ice through my veins stiffened from life
sharpen gales to cut me away
I was polar from everything
sitting barren
until her voice
her light
all that warmth from beyond
chiselled me free of that void capsule
I am her sun
she is my days
Earth To Ash 