Journal Entry #19 – My Sun

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“I have late night conversations with the moon, he tells me about the sun and I tell him about you.”
– S.L. Gray

Someday Again

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Fist held against your chin staring beyond, adrift in recollection.
A ponder of well-being was the focus of those faraway eyes.
Rock…rock until contentment, unbroken ritual.
You miss, you worry, because you loved.
The tittle-tattle of your kindred always spawned a glow in your half-cocked smiles, your infectious being.
Dear grand, by and by with a simper,
someday again.

Ash Wednesday


Yesterday was “me Wednesday”, the sun was shining, March was upon us and I saw a person with what I thought was dirt on their face. Actually, yesterday marked the first day of Lent (pun intended) where many people around the world went to mass. Specifically, Christians attend mass and receive ashes of burnt palm branches on their forehead in the shape of a cross to symbolize repentance and confess their sins. Ok, I googled that, (sorry God) but once I realized that yesterday was Ash Wednesday, it did get me thinking about how Church was a big part of my life at one point which in turn made me think of my grandmother who was the primary reason it was.

I know for a fact she wouldn’t be too happy to hear that I have drifted away from religion so much over the years. As I thought about it more, I wondered if faith was a void in my life, am I missing it? I ask that question from time to time, I think a lot of people do. Life is full of moments where it’s just us alone with our inner voice that guides us through the peaks and valleys. I’m Catholic, I was taught religion growing up but once I left school and moved away from my hometown, I strayed from the flock as it were. I still believe don’t get me wrong, it’s just my opinion on religion can vary sometimes along with my faith. Faith is a very strong thing to have, it can help you through some of the worst times and can give you hope when you need it the most. We need something to call upon when life challenges us, it gives us something to hold on to when we are at our weakest, and provides comfort in times of doubt.

People find faith in so many different things traditional and non-traditional, it’s up to us, we can believe in other things that don’t have to be contingent on being some sort of higher power. Quite frankly, we can choose to believe in nothing at all, those who feel no need to place their “faith” in anything other than themselves carry on just as fine as someone who practices religion. Ultimately, we all need to show acceptance and tolerance to religious differences, our world still needs work when it comes to loving thy neighbor. No matter where I look, there seems to be conflict, people hurting others over the color of their skin, the language they speak or religion they practice. The big picture, we differ from far more reasons than I just mentioned but we fail to see the one constant that remains in each of us which is the most important and that is, we’re all human beings.


Dream of better days

Your eyes now cast an empty blank stare,
But I know deep inside that you are still there.

I miss the talks, that we would always share,
When I came calling, you were always there.

I miss coming home to a well-cooked meal,
To a warm embrace, true love I did feel.

Gently caressing my head followed up with a kiss,
Those days are now gone, those days I miss.

How can this be, a woman of strong faith,
Barely knowing where to, hardly knowing a face.

No one truly knows the darkness you live,
Strangers amongst you, not much ever said.

You took me in when times were rough,
You made me a man, you made me tough.

You would always say that I was your boy,
No one now listens and I have to ask why.

What we had was special, something not like most,
But we new all that mattered was that we were close.

I yearn to hear you call my name, if just for one last time,
If this my only wish to be granted, then that for me is fine.

It’s hard mother, with you not here,
I want to kiss you, hold you, I want to be near.

I will move on for it would be your wish, you would want me too,
Memories of our time together will help guide me through.

You’re a saint my dear Theresa, in so many ways,
Sleep my dear mother and dream of better days.