Here Lies

I called for you last night

it wasn’t for any of those other reasons we have

this time it was to tell you I was hurting

hurting still… only differently

differently, that poetry won’t mend

differently, that thoughts of you won’t pacify

differently, that distraction from you won’t make me forget

no, this time so different that even a superhero’s cape couldn’t save me

as I sit on the other side of a mountain of hope

I always thought you would answer my cry when it felt real to you

to whatever real means to you

I have done nothing over these years but climb that hope

over and over

thinking one day I would resurrect that real and make it come alive again

to finally know that you feel something for me

maybe that’s all my own dreams

and we know dreams are not real

one day dust will sweep over my body where it lay

marked for the rest of the world

with a sentence that I still continue to call out your name

from beneath my mountain of hope

that fell and crumbled the same day as I did

…your father

Journal Entry # 241 – Be a Port of a Moment

There’s a time and a place. Thank advantage of both. – Ash

Shade of Ash # 35 – I’ve Come to a Resolution

Someone asked me the other day if I was a new year’s resolution type of person. I said no. I am more of a new you resolution type of person which happens every day. Waiting a whole year to assess yourself and make changes seems a waste of time and creates pressure to not fail. We have to fail, to learn to win. We have to fall, to get back up. We have to lose to be grateful for what we already have. I continued to tell this person that I am a work in progress and it takes work each and every day and that’s the only resolution I need to keep. – Ash

Second Thoughts # 3 – Huge Sense of Tilt

The feeling of making it halfway to where you’re walking and realizing the rest of the way is downhill. – Ash

Second Thoughts # 2 – Bus Case Scenario

Staying on the bus way past your stop because you have all the time in the world. – Ash

Second Thoughts # 1 – Curbed Enthusiasm

Those days of sitting on the curb with your childhood friends at the beginning of the warmest rain. – Ash

Earth to Ash Podcast Episode # 10 – Posts of Christmas Past!

Welcome back, join me and my continuing conversation about my thoughts, feelings, and emotions to the world around me.

In this episode, I talk about how thinking about the great Christmases of the past can make you excited for the Christmases of the future. Join me for a few memories with some of the backstories. Oh, and as always, I throw in a poem, no wait, a Christmas poem for good measure.

Happy Holidays!!

A Shade of Ash # 34 – Recording Myself For Prosperity

This little friend dictates my life, then, I dictate to it. I started voice journaling about two years ago and only wish I began earlier. I record gratitude, I vent my struggles, I process challenges, I celebrate, I create, I relive memories, I laugh, I cry, I pray, I miss, I love, and I exist. On the record… for me. Hearing myself in certain ways allows me to see myself in more ways which helps me grow in every way. – Ash