This Purgatory

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white 
white everywhere 
no walls 
no floor 
no ceiling 
just white 
am I touching anything 
am I alive 
where is the door through which I come 
did I walk through by will
is this punishment for the black 
is this void now my penance
I feel no love
I feel no loss
where are my memories
tell me what sin lead me here 
I can’t see in this light 
because of my darkness

A Story Written in Ash

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When I write, I give it like blood 
all my emotions like DNA 
unique to me 
only it can be shared with others 
it passes through to the world 
I’ll never know if it lives on 
a day 
a week 
a month 
a year 
…forever 
but I won’t stop bleeding my words 
I’ll still give away my life 
for longer life
for my story 

Dark Puzzles, Black Pieces

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Lying awake in the dares of the night 
between the seconds of darkness that it created 
anxious, with a pulsing heart 
a sweaty grip 
gripping tightly so wishing for light 
I watch the shadows and silhouettes patrol 
alone by vicinity 
crowded by bonded blood 
the air steals my voice 
blankets smother my breath 
sounds muffle the familiar 
it’s only me now 
in a world of living nightmares 
it was always only me 
this life is a puzzle 
with many different pieces 
let me throw away the black ones
so something beautiful can be complete

Fading to Black

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In the night 
like a ghost 
nothing is ever seen 
premeditation a superpower 
skewing the real, while dancing with the devil 
visiting worlds very far apart 
the sky in one, a sky 
the other could be anywhere envisioned on the spot 
in the sweat, in the sins, in the climax
flying close to the sun 
is a high like no other 
a racing heart is a drug buried deep in the same shadows 
but one beam of light and it all goes away
the curtain comes down
no more beautiful horizon
no more escape 
 
 
  

The Shadows Are Still There

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I stood there high and saw the sorrow from loss below 
my heart did nothing 
tomorrows came with tears all around but still nothing 
why did you get to take the both of us away 
from a life of no regret 
you controlled everything 
now you are nothing 
not even a thing anymore 
you should have been made to be someone who lives with it too 
but instead got to leave with half of the secrets 
I bare the weight of two 
heavy with memories of darkness 
pained by unheard screams of listen to me 
I grieving not death 
no, I am grieving the loss chances 
to face hurt with words 
stab hard with scars shown with no shame  
be the trial seeking reason and forgiveness 
only I forever will walk the green mile alone 
and life as I know it throws your sentence away forever 

 
 
 
 

Beacon of Heart

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I wrote a letter 
on a beacon of hope 
gave fate the return address 
but sadly, I still sit and wait
for tomorrow
and tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
but sadly, tomorrow never comes
every day is a search
every day a wish
please
please
oh please
but sadly, nothing is found or returned
some days I see shadows
some nights a mirage
could it be
could it be
could it be
but sadly, none of them are really you
there are moments where I believe
there are moments where I truly feel
that I will see you again in time
as it passes
and passes
and passes
but sadly, you're still disappeared

Dances with the Devil

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In the hours where most sleep 
I sit in a purple lit booth 
something beautiful catches eyes as they adjust 
neon lights flicker as it dances…I watch
soft music plays the soundtrack of inhibitions leaving 
fake smoke to cloud judgement so what is seen is seen 
what is felt is felt
the night, the morning, make love to born a single time 
where mistakes are suppressed by the high of letting go  
bartenders, over there gossip, whisper, and glare  
still tolerant of these patron games
but only until the last tip 
nothing good comes of the hours between night and day 
it is where fantasies live in the moment 
and shadows hide the truths of deception 
for the thrill of finding places that the world forgets about
are games played by strangers in pass
with lost souls, bruised hearts,
and access to the wrong medicine