I am surrounded
in a life so full of love
why am I alone?
Empty – Haiku
Tag: regret
A Shade of Ash # 9 – Beaten Heart
Distance between us feels like dementia of my heart . It still beats, but it’s getting harder to remember what makes it. – Dad
Journal Entry # 216 – Flowers Picked From A Garden
I miss you every day of my life. Today was no different. Maybe tomorrow will be. – Dad
Soiled
Like a flower starving
I long for your light
a drop of you
replenish me
or…
leave me to wilt
Unfather’s Day
Today, I don’t want to exist.
Tomorrow is fine, but not today.
Today, I don’t deserve anything.
I hate the happiness, I hate the gift ideas.
I hate the attempts to cheer me up from friends and family.
I hate cards, I hate phone calls, I hate the internet.
I hate robbing my stepfather from his day, I’m so damn sorry.
I hate Sundays, I hate barbecues, I hate gatherings and music.
I hate being called something I’m not, stop telling me different.
Stop!!! It only encourages me and I lie to myself again.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter wishes were still with us.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter celebrates beating Cancer.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter begs freed from behind bars.
I’m not even a Dad a son or daughter forgives for his mistakes.
I’m not a Dad…and I have all the scars to prove it.
Journal Entry # 187 – It’s Hard When The Scars Still Remind Me
To heal a wound you must stop scratching it. – Paulo Coelho
Regret
I punish for love,
you punish forever.
Father’s Storm
I wish this day away just like the many before it.
No matter how high the sun, that cloud will forever rain on me.
As I try to move on, the shadows creep alongside teasing a dark void.
My unhealed scars, they fester each time I’m reminded,
adding one more to an already weathered heart.
Earth To Ash 