A Shade of Ash # 38 – I Mist That Feeling

Ah, the old misty stroll. The weather around here lately has been damp. This past Tuesday was no different. As soon as I left the house to begin my journey I was met with mist and scattered droplets of rain. It made me eager to carry on. There was something about the atmosphere it was creating. With each step I took, I was transported back to different times of my life that felt similar. The feeling was reminiscent and familiar. Not long into my walk, I found myself standing at the head of a stage. A stage is a word we use for a wharf here in Newfoundland and Labrador. So, technically, I was standing on what we call a stage head. There are several words you’ll find in our very own Newfoundland dictionary that are for us interchangeable, but that’s another post for another day. Anyway, there I was. Taking it all in and absorbing the essence of a lazy Tuesday evening loving life and what it has given me at that moment. Then, Poppy had to poop and ruin it.  

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Little Anthony

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on this July summer night
I see you there in the sky
where you are not supposed to be
what happened for you to go there
why are you needed so soon
all I can do is wonder
as my heart tries to understand
why is it that time gets to pick
how fate always chooses next
when life shows that dark side
stay with me tonight
I’m not ready to leave you be
shine your light until tomorrow
a day I wish was given to you
little Anthony

A Shade of Ash # 37 – Right Out Of The Blue

It’s a shame that the colour blue can sometimes share itself with a feeling. Because of that, when I feel blue on the inside, I do my best to seek a better shade on the outside. – Ash

My May-Day

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this is a dream 
I can’t be awake in this world 
because you are not in it 
I’ve searched everywhere but you’re gone 
today though, the dream changes
I get to release a jar of hope 
to make your voice the loudest 
make your face come back to me oh so vividly 
like the first day we met 
that happy May
lately, this dream gets so close to a nightmare 
because it has started to fade everything 
and my jar of hope is almost empty
not enough to awaken me
to see you in reality smothers me 
I gasp toward that life 
choking to reach the other side 
someone, please shake me 
tell me it’s over 
give me back my biggest loss 
hear my may-day

Journal Entry # 243 – Today’s Special…You!

Of all the possibilities in life, you were chosen to be a part of it. Think about how special that makes you. – Ash

Journal Entry # 242 – I’m Proud to Say!

Hearing I’m proud of you doesn’t have to come from someone else. It can come from within. Now go ahead and tell yourself how proud you are for being the best you you can possibly be. – Ash

Shade of Ash # 36 – Keep Right, Accept to Pass

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Coping with my anxiety is like a bike ride. It’s hard to balance. There is a chance I will fall. Sometimes I do. But, I have to keep going if I am going to learn how to ride with it. – Ash

Before Goodnight # 2

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My body was controlled by my mind for a while now. Not in a good way. As my thoughts pierced me like bullets, I fell from the wounds they created. I was allowing my happiness to die by jumping in front of the fire. As I lay to sleep… my will is bulletproof. I only had to find it again.  – Ash

Before Goodnight # 1

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I found my way through struggle today. Like a tiny beam trying to seep its way past a thick wall, I made it to a much bigger light. As I lay to sleep… I feel strong. – Ash

The Devils Hold

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I tempted the beast

lured it from its dark home

taunting and teasing

dancing with this devil carelessly

unknown my armour has dented, chinked, and worn

unaware I left my soul vulnerable

Continue reading “The Devils Hold”