"A collection of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, to the world around me"
on this July summer night
I see you there in the sky
where you are not supposed to be
what happened for you to go there
why are you needed so soon
all I can do is wonder
as my heart tries to understand
why is it that time gets to pick
how fate always chooses next
when life shows that dark side
stay with me tonight
I’m not ready to leave you be
shine your light until tomorrow
a day I wish was given to you
little Anthony
Coping with my anxiety is like a bike ride. It’s hard to balance. There is a chance I will fall. Sometimes I do. But, I have to keep going if I am going to learn how to ride with it. – Ash
there was a day when the grass was the perfect green
the ocean glistened in morse code
each sparkle a story of its own
as I step lightly from rock to stone
saltwater breaths dry my lips
I wet them for a taste
we all know that birds sing
listen when they do
let them play out the tides
like that day that was just for me
on that beach of memories
with a shore full of driftwood and kelp
props in a backdrop of a day in my life
when I hear a crashing wave
when a warm breeze teases my step
and when mother nature holds out her hand
I grab on and go back again
over there, the light
right there, darkness
down there, too deep
up there, just above water
I don’t feel the sun
I don’t walk with the moon
I am blank
…I am empty
I called for you last night
it wasn’t for any of those other reasons we have
this time it was to tell you I was hurting
hurting still… only differently
differently, that poetry won’t mend
differently, that thoughts of you won’t pacify
differently, that distraction from you won’t make me forget
no, this time so different that even a superhero’s cape couldn’t save me
as I sit on the other side of a mountain of hope
I always thought you would answer my cry when it felt real to you
to whatever real means to you
I have done nothing over these years but climb that hope
over and over
thinking one day I would resurrect that real and make it come alive again
to finally know that you feel something for me
maybe that’s all my own dreams
and we know dreams are not real
one day dust will sweep over my body where it lay
marked for the rest of the world
with a sentence that I still continue to call out your name
from beneath my mountain of hope
that fell and crumbled the same day as I did
…your father
Relying solely on a section of the newspaper for a movie choice. The excitement of going down through the listings and reading the few lines of script that best described the movie with so few words. You’d spend extra time on the showings with an accompanying photo being most likely the blockbusters. Debate with your fellow movie-goer until the show times force you to pick. Shit, it’s twenty-to. We have to leave if we want to make the 6:00.
I’m telling you. It was a vibe, a feel, an event. I miss it on second thought and wish sometimes we didn’t have to go so fast. – Ash
There’s a time and a place. Thank advantage of both. – Ash
The feeling of making it halfway to where you’re walking and realizing the rest of the way is downhill. – Ash
Those days of sitting on the curb with your childhood friends at the beginning of the warmest rain. – Ash
my winter retreat was lonely
flurries turned into storms
dark skies seemed always
cold bit me every second
ice through my veins stiffened from life
sharpen gales to cut me away
I was polar from everything
sitting barren
until her voice
her light
all that warmth from beyond
chiselled me free of that void capsule
I am her sun
she is my days
Earth To Ash 