I mentioned my daughter today as I always do in conversation. Oddly enough, to someone the same age as her. The response, “If she is anything like you, Ash, I’m sure she is just as awesome.” My heart sank. Why does the rest of the world see what she cannot? Why do I try to convince myself that what they say is not true because it is not told to me by her? Why do I feel broken and all she did was just sweep away the pieces? Questions I ask all the time because I hurt all the time. Something must be wrong with me.
But then someone comes along and suddenly, my reflection in the mirror changes. The questions disappear as I find another piece of me that was thrown away. Returned by a friendly face reminding me how my big my heart actually is.
You are a flower a flower long picked from the garden home with just today as a reminder of when you began to grow seasons pass and nothing else seems to want to flourish anymore your bloom was what kept these old roots alive now, the rain never comes backs the sun only hurts the moon listens, but that’s all the wind is gone before I know it not one thing about life is life in this garden home without a little flower
I was with you for a while every one of those moments I playback when I think of you when my heart is calling out for yours to hear your skin a shade of an angel hair…I remember its smell tucked close under my chin when you smiled the whole world became happy and those eyes they kept exploding my heart stretching it with love you are the best thing that ever happened to me a day that changed my life so beautiful and full of hope…and my daughter our bond and made up language only ours will be forever your laughter is what I hear the most, only it grows faint those days I miss you so much it kills me a little bit more reminds me how I am living with an empty heart with a box full of memories slowly losing what it feels like to have a pulse as the pages of my mind bleed ink disappearing the days of our lives together all I have left are these words to keep going
I made peace with something not long ago. It hurt, it also healed. The result was me realizing that I am not letting go forever, but rather, me accepting I cannot hang for now. Life needs to be continued… – Ash/Dad