"A collection of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, to the world around me"
I made peace with something not long ago. It hurt, it also healed. The result was me realizing that I am not letting go forever, but rather, me accepting I cannot hang for now. Life needs to be continued… – Ash/Dad
more time between us
more our hearts break us in two
when I think of you
I am surrounded
in a life so full of love
why am I alone?
I miss you every day of my life. Today was no different. Maybe tomorrow will be. – Dad
We can’t carry on with the story of our lives without finishing all the chapters. No matter how some of them ended. – Ash
Like a flower starving
I long for your light
a drop of you
replenish me
or…
leave me to wilt
Today, I don’t want to exist.
Tomorrow is fine, but not today.
Today, I don’t deserve anything.
I hate the happiness, I hate the gift ideas.
I hate the attempts to cheer me up from friends and family.
I hate cards, I hate phone calls, I hate the internet.
I hate robbing my stepfather from his day, I’m so damn sorry.
I hate Sundays, I hate barbecues, I hate gatherings and music.
I hate being called something I’m not, stop telling me different.
Stop!!! It only encourages me and I lie to myself again.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter wishes were still with us.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter celebrates beating Cancer.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter begs freed from behind bars.
I’m not even a Dad a son or daughter forgives for his mistakes.
I’m not a Dad…and I have all the scars to prove it.
To heal a wound you must stop scratching it. – Paulo Coelho
I tried again today as I have tried so many times since the last heartstring that bound us severed. For a split-second, I got to hear your voice. For a split-second, I thought you would listen to mine. It was the longest pause yet…trust me, I know.
So, Ashton, I guess it’s another “Happy Birthday” sent off into the universe with all my love. Maybe it will find the world I’ve lost and help return it to me.
– Dad xoxo
Dead of winter
as the winds howl
I’m still out there searching for you
footprints quickly cover
forgetting how far I’ve come
my hands, no longer feel
my breath, stolen
my eyes, blinded by this storm
my heart, almost empty
my will…unbroken
Earth To Ash 