I stood there high and saw the sorrow from loss below my heart did nothing tomorrows came with tears all around but still nothing why did you get to take the both of us away from a life of no regret you controlled everything now you are nothing not even a thing anymore you should have been made to be someone who lives with it too but instead got to leave with half of the secrets I bare the weight of two heavy with memories of darkness pained by unheard screams of listen to me I grieving not death no, I am grieving the loss chances to face hurt with words stab hard with scars shown with no shame be the trial seeking reason and forgiveness only I forever will walk the green mile alone and life as I know it throws your sentence away forever
I was with you for a while every one of those moments I playback when I think of you when my heart is calling out for yours to hear your skin a shade of an angel hair…I remember its smell tucked close under my chin when you smiled the whole world became happy and those eyes they kept exploding my heart stretching it with love you are the best thing that ever happened to me a day that changed my life so beautiful and full of hope…and my daughter our bond and made up language only ours will be forever your laughter is what I hear the most, only it grows faint those days I miss you so much it kills me a little bit more reminds me how I am living with an empty heart with a box full of memories slowly losing what it feels like to have a pulse as the pages of my mind bleed ink disappearing the days of our lives together all I have left are these words to keep going
I made peace with something not long ago. It hurt, it also healed. The result was me realizing that I am not letting go forever, but rather, me accepting I cannot hang for now. Life needs to be continued… – Ash/Dad
It was as midnight as midnight could be that late, dogs cried at the moon all the way down as I followed you straight to an early grave not once knowing ignorant, childish, wishing for my own home we shared nothing no words, not a glance, not even…presence only fading footsteps in the rain before you went to a place you felt you had to regret I held in a subtle hello maybe I would have turned it off stood a final chance and shooed the voice away from you but when lady death came teasing your ear? there was no way I, me… someone who would just threaten a made up mind compete that night with deathly songs of teenage tragedy singing you toward an infinite dark by the tune of your own broken heart stealing any lust left for tomorrow then I watched as you walked toward the Bluest Oyster never to see you again
Today, I don’t want to exist. Tomorrow is fine, but not today. Today, I don’t deserve anything. I hate the happiness, I hate the gift ideas. I hate the attempts to cheer me up from friends and family. I hate cards, I hate phone calls, I hate the internet. I hate robbing my stepfather from his day, I’m so damn sorry. I hate Sundays, I hate barbecues, I hate gatherings and music. I hate being called something I’m not, stop telling me different. Stop!!! It only encourages me and I lie to myself again. I’m not a Dad a son or daughter wishes were still with us. I’m not a Dad a son or daughter celebrates beating Cancer. I’m not a Dad a son or daughter begs freed from behind bars. I’m not even a Dad a son or daughter forgives for his mistakes. I’m not a Dad…and I have all the scars to prove it.
Like a bottle in a vast ocean…I’m drifting further and further from your beautiful shore, I float my body breaking against violent waves which pull me far far from the horizon alone, I wade, no one around to hear me for the longest days…the darkest of nights, Oh, how I’ve prayed to be rescued pulled ashore only by your hand chipped and weathered most of me empty, nothing left but a note two words I’ve carried with me for so long hoping someday my message would reach you fall from your lips and into your broken heart …I’m sorry