#amwriting · blog · healing · memory · mental health · Moments · Poetry

Days In Our Lives Together

ONE DAY IN OUR LIVES TOGETHER

I was with you for a while
every one of those moments I playback when I think of you
when my heart is calling out for yours to hear
your skin a shade of an angel
hair…I remember its smell tucked close under my chin
when you smiled the whole world became happy
and those eyes
they kept exploding my heart stretching it with love
you are the best thing that ever happened to me
a day that changed my life
so beautiful and full of hope…and my daughter
our bond and made up language only ours
will be forever
your laughter is what I hear the most, only it grows faint
those days I miss you so much it kills me a little bit more
reminds me how I am living with an empty heart
with a box full of memories
slowly losing what it feels like to have a pulse
as the pages of my mind bleed ink
disappearing the days of our lives together
all I have left are these words to keep going

#amwriting · blog · healing · mental health · Moments · Motivation · Newfoundland

A Shade of Ash # 14 – I Have To Watch My Own Back Too

I made peace with something not long ago. It hurt, it also healed. The result was me realizing that I am not letting go forever, but rather, me accepting I cannot hang for now. Life needs to be continued… – Ash/Dad

#amwriting · blog · healing · memory · mental health · Moments · Poetry

Walked To Death

Photo by Alex Fu on Pexels.com

It was as midnight as midnight could be
that late, dogs cried at the moon
all the way down
as I followed you
straight to an early grave

not once knowing
ignorant, childish, wishing for my own home

we shared nothing
no words, not a glance, not even…presence
only fading footsteps in the rain
before you went to a place you felt you had to
regret I held in a subtle hello
maybe I would have turned it off
stood a final chance
and shooed the voice away from you
but
when lady death came teasing your ear?
there was no way I, me…
someone who would just threaten a made up mind
compete that night
with deathly songs of teenage tragedy

singing you toward an infinite dark
by the tune of your own broken heart

stealing any lust left for tomorrow
then

I watched
as you walked toward the Bluest Oyster
never to see you again



#amwriting · blog · friendship · healing · memory · mental health · Moments · Motivation · Newfoundland · quotes · Today...

Journal Entry # 197 – Silence is Deafening!

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. – Martin Luther King Jr.

#amwriting · blog · healing · mental health · Moments · Poetry

Unfather’s Day

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Today, I don’t want to exist.
Tomorrow is fine, but not today.
Today, I don’t deserve anything.
I hate the happiness, I hate the gift ideas.
I hate the attempts to cheer me up from friends and family.
I hate cards, I hate phone calls, I hate the internet.
I hate robbing my stepfather from his day, I’m so damn sorry.
I hate Sundays, I hate barbecues, I hate gatherings and music.
I hate being called something I’m not, stop telling me different.
Stop!!! It only encourages me and I lie to myself again.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter wishes were still with us.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter celebrates beating Cancer.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter begs freed from behind bars.
I’m not even a Dad a son or daughter forgives for his mistakes.
I’m not a Dad…and I have all the scars to prove it.

#amwriting · blog · healing · mental health · Moments · Poetry

My Heart in a Bottle

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Like a bottle in a vast ocean…I’m drifting
further and further from your beautiful shore, I float
my body breaking against violent waves
which pull me far far from the horizon
alone, I wade, no one around to hear me
for the longest days…the darkest of nights,

Oh, how I’ve prayed to be rescued
pulled ashore only by your hand
chipped and weathered
most of me empty,

nothing left but a note
two words I’ve carried with me for so long
hoping someday my message would reach you
fall from your lips and into your broken heart

I’m sorry

#amwriting · blog · mental health · Moments · Motivation · quotes

Journal Entry # 166 – It’s Lonely Behind A Mask

Photo by gentina danurendra on Pexels.com

You deserve to rest. Even if only for a moment. Put down the weight you’re carrying. Let go of the need to keep it all together. Take off your warrior mask. For this moment, now … just breathe. – Jason Garner