The Shadows Are Still There

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I stood there high and saw the sorrow from loss below 
my heart did nothing 
tomorrows came with tears all around but still nothing 
why did you get to take the both of us away 
from a life of no regret 
you controlled everything 
now you are nothing 
not even a thing anymore 
you should have been made to be someone who lives with it too 
but instead got to leave with half of the secrets 
I bare the weight of two 
heavy with memories of darkness 
pained by unheard screams of listen to me 
I grieving not death 
no, I am grieving the loss chances 
to face hurt with words 
stab hard with scars shown with no shame  
be the trial seeking reason and forgiveness 
only I forever will walk the green mile alone 
and life as I know it throws your sentence away forever 

 
 
 
 

Days In Our Lives Together

ONE DAY IN OUR LIVES TOGETHER

I was with you for a while
every one of those moments I playback when I think of you
when my heart is calling out for yours to hear
your skin a shade of an angel
hair…I remember its smell tucked close under my chin
when you smiled the whole world became happy
and those eyes
they kept exploding my heart stretching it with love
you are the best thing that ever happened to me
a day that changed my life
so beautiful and full of hope…and my daughter
our bond and made up language only ours
will be forever
your laughter is what I hear the most, only it grows faint
those days I miss you so much it kills me a little bit more
reminds me how I am living with an empty heart
with a box full of memories
slowly losing what it feels like to have a pulse
as the pages of my mind bleed ink
disappearing the days of our lives together
all I have left are these words to keep going

Walked To Death

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It was as midnight as midnight could be
that late, dogs cried at the moon
all the way down
as I followed you
straight to an early grave

not once knowing
ignorant, childish, wishing for my own home

we shared nothing
no words, not a glance, not even…presence
only fading footsteps in the rain
before you went to a place you felt you had to
regret I held in a subtle hello
maybe I would have turned it off
stood a final chance
and shooed the voice away from you
but
when lady death came teasing your ear?
there was no way I, me…
someone who would just threaten a made up mind
compete that night
with deathly songs of teenage tragedy

singing you toward an infinite dark
by the tune of your own broken heart

stealing any lust left for tomorrow
then

I watched
as you walked toward the Bluest Oyster
never to see you again



Unfather’s Day

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Today, I don’t want to exist.
Tomorrow is fine, but not today.
Today, I don’t deserve anything.
I hate the happiness, I hate the gift ideas.
I hate the attempts to cheer me up from friends and family.
I hate cards, I hate phone calls, I hate the internet.
I hate robbing my stepfather from his day, I’m so damn sorry.
I hate Sundays, I hate barbecues, I hate gatherings and music.
I hate being called something I’m not, stop telling me different.
Stop!!! It only encourages me and I lie to myself again.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter wishes were still with us.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter celebrates beating Cancer.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter begs freed from behind bars.
I’m not even a Dad a son or daughter forgives for his mistakes.
I’m not a Dad…and I have all the scars to prove it.

My Heart in a Bottle

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Like a bottle in a vast ocean…I’m drifting
further and further from your beautiful shore, I float
my body breaking against violent waves
which pull me far far from the horizon
alone, I wade, no one around to hear me
for the longest days…the darkest of nights,

Oh, how I’ve prayed to be rescued
pulled ashore only by your hand
chipped and weathered
most of me empty,

nothing left but a note
two words I’ve carried with me for so long
hoping someday my message would reach you
fall from your lips and into your broken heart

I’m sorry