Tag: parents

Pain in the Ash

I’ve been nursing a real bad neck as of late, I have no idea what might have caused it, all I know is that it’s been nagging me for awhile now. It could be the gym, quite possibly from shoveling or maybe it’s the way I slept, something has been causing me to slow turn my head for the past two weeks. I was never one to just tolerate the pain so I have been doing my best to rehab it as much as possible, so far, though, the pain keeps coming back.  Over the years I’ve  accumulated my share of bumps, bruises, and broken bones but with time I healed and the pain all went away, I always bounced back 100%.

This neck thing does bother me a lot, but I’m still doing everything I normally do, there’s a discomfort but I manage the pain enough to get through it. To aid in my recovery, I’m using the help of the gym, heating lotions, stretching and my doctor has prescribed me some pills too but I only take them when I absolutely need to (not a fan).  I have resorted to a more physiotherapy like approach when it comes to my gym workout and I make sure not to overdo it which is important when you are rehabbing any type of injury. Best not to push it and make something worst.  If you sit at a desk all week like I do it’s good to take some time during your day to work out your strained muscles, working in front of a monitor can wreak havoc on your posture and can also make an existing injury flare up something fierce.  I try to pay attention to how I am sitting to alleviate some discomfort created by slouching or hunching over at my desk which I’m guilty of from time to time.  Heat has seemed to provide me with the most relief; I have been using a magic bag and a heat rub to loosen the tight muscles in my neck. When it comes to our bodies, we know ourselves the best and we all respond to treatment differently; some of the things that I have suggested are things that you can try for yourself.  I do want to point out that if you are experiencing pain on any level, it’s best to consult a doctor and then with that advice you can start your road to recovery.

Dealing with pain is awful; my stepfather had to live with pain each and every day for about a five year period not long ago.  He injured himself on the job and was faced with a future of surgeries, painkillers, and extensive rehab that even then provided no absolute surety that he would get back to his old self. I saw that man who is by far the strongest man I know concede that he was at the mercy of chronic pain and on his darkest day cursed everything and wanted to quit. I earned a lot of respect for people suffering in chronic pain because of the hell my stepdad had to endure during his recovery. Because of his will and the support of the family, he’s completely back to himself today but for awhile there, he was doubtful that he would ever truly be rid of the pain entirely.

Staying healthy is a challenge, we try our best to take care of ourselves but sometimes the unpredictability of life proves that anything can happen. We break and bleed all the time, as far back as our days of bumping into corners and falling off our bikes, we are all too familiar with the feeling of pain. Now that I’m older it’s becoming apparent that I may not fix as easy as I used to, I need to do my part but I also need to accept going to the doctor when something doesn’t feel right. I know people who avoid the hospital at all the time which actually puzzles me, why?  Ego? Denial? I can’t answer that question for anyone but myself but I hope my dialog has made you think about how important it is to look after yourself.  We have friends and family that love and depend on us so we have to think about them too, they matter and so do you, don’t forget that. My neck got me thinking and this post was just my way of exploring my thought…next time I make a post though I promise it won’t be so much of a Pain in the Ash.

 

Weather or not?

I went for a walk last night and boy was it cold, the air was crisp, the snow made crunchy noises under my feet and my face kept seizing up on me, ah winter.  Didn’t matter what the temperature was, I determined to get a walk in, it was a beautiful night so I threw on a few layers and took off.  I kind of fast walked at first which warmed me a little, then when I passed the point of no return I had no choice but to see it through.  As I paced along kicking the scatter chunk of ice I thought, we are nowhere near the end of the winter season and it is really starting to get to me.  I’ve lived here on this island for my entire life and you would think by now I would be used to the cold Atlantic Canadian winters but that is by far the polar opposite (pun intended).

Yesterday morning we had 30+ centimeters dumped on us which we all had to wake up to and to add to that, had to do so on Monday morning-gross.  Yeah the 5:30 wake-up call from the neighbor’s idling snowblower is always an indication that there was shoveling in my future, it was about to be a “morning”.  Feeling robbed already of my weekend I turned over and made a cave with my pillows complete with a tiny hole with a perfect view of the alarm clock.  Lying there defeated by mother nature along with a severe case of the Mondays, I started doing the math in my head of the steps between getting out of bed and sitting at my desk.  On the verge of facing the harsh reality that I had to move my lazy butt and very close to leaving the sanctuary of bed when all of the sudden, my face started buzzing.  It was a call from my co-worker, she was calling to tell me that work had a delayed opening, yes…there is a god.  There’s no better feeling than looking outside at winter punching everything in the face and then being told that there’s no work, how old am I again?  With the anxiety of white-knuckle traffic and snow drifts lifted off my shoulders I returned to the blanketed abyss because it’s a snow day.  Well, it was more like a snow morning but like I said, after losing the weekend and on top of that a Monday morning, I’ll take it.  (Ash 1 Winter 0)

Oh yeah, I hate not having sidewalks. (Ash 1 Winter 1)

Round Here!

I was sitting down the other night staring outside my living room window with a drink in my hand and the way it looked outdoors reminded me of what it was like at Christmas time in the small town where I grew up.  It was the second time that day that I started to think about home actually, I walked to the store earlier that evening and had the same reminiscent feeling come over me.  The snow had just fallen and the street lights had this orange tinge to it, the atmosphere was thought provoking and I began to flashback to another time.  As I trudged along I began to think how walking was a huge part of how I celebrated Christmas, one tradition that I really enjoyed was going door to door to have a few drinks and spend time with friends and neighbors.  It didn’t matter either what part of the town you lived in for everywhere was within walking distance and there was no need for a drop off or cabs like you have to accommodate for in the big city, nope it was two legs and a heartbeat that got you to where you needed to be.

I had a lot of good ol’ times at Christmas with my friends but one friend in particular was always by my side and that was Willie, he was my best friend and pretty much anything thing that I did, he was always a part of it.  Every night during the holidays the phone would ring and it would be Willie wondering if I was ready and if he should leave his house to come down to my grandparents where I lived.  I ‘d tell him to get his butt down here and within minutes of hanging up the phone he would come strolling  in all decked out in his Christmas best grinning ear to ear in the best of moods, although he knew I was there he always asked anyway – “Is Ash here?”.  My grandmother would call out to me and give him the ceremonial “sit down Willie my dear; you’re not a stranger now are ya?”  He would then slowly proceed to take a seat at the kitchen table acting like it was his first time he had ever visited; he was always his bashful self when it came to my grandmother.  Once I finished getting ready I too also took a seat at kitchen table, “my spot” as it were and all was in now in place.  My grandmother, god love her, would already have a pre-purchased six pack stored covertly under her bed for such an occasion, she seemed content when we spent time together and she especially enjoyed the fact that we were there, it was like company for her too.  Our nights always started at Nan and Pop’s place and once we felt like moving on my grandmother would make sure we had our hats and mitts (“yes nan we do”) and see us to the door where she would leave us with “stay out of trouble and be careful”.

It took us no time before we were sat at another kitchen table being poured a drink of our choice and being ushered to take off our coats and stay awhile.  All the homes were nestled together on the hillside so once we ventured on from one place there would be someone else bellowing from their patios for us to join them; this would go on all night.  Yarns were spun and good times were had by all, Christmas spirit was in abundance and no doubt our glasses stay filled the night through.  Small town life has a different feel to it; everybody knows who you are and what family you came from and after twenty minute of drilling you with questions regarding your upbringing you could pretty much clue up your family tree in one sitting.  There was no traffic in site, the houses had Christmas lights which illuminated the pathways just enough to show us the way.  We were always met with a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year by all whom passed by and we would often pick up a strangler or two nowhere near done with their night of festivities, the more the merrier we’d say.  There was a sense of belonging no matter where you went, everyone felt like family and would make sure to offer a spare room or the couch if things got a little too fuzzy.

Every year for many years Willie and I would do this and it was a tradition that we kept alive for much of our young adult lives.  When I think back today it makes me feel good that I had to the chance to spend some quality moments with someone who was very near and dear to my heart, someone like Willie.   Looking back in hind sight and especially now that he has passed on I’m very thankful that I had gotten the chance to be friends with such a wonderful guy who I miss every day.

Willie was also good friends with my uncles as well, so whenever we were together there was a good chance that one if not all my uncles were there too (I had five).  Never a dull moment with them around trust me, they would torment us and call us light weights when it came to drinking and every now and again we would get body slammed into a snow bank for no apparent reason at all.  There was no point in retaliation either because it only came back worst then the first time around but it was all in good fun and that was the genuine theme when we were all together was to “have fun”.  They ‘re all a good bunch of guys who have created beautiful families of their own and I miss hanging out with them like that, it seems like it was a lifetime ago but the memories are just as vivid as if it had happened only yesterday.  Stop and think about that someone that you miss spending time with and if they are still reachable and a part of your life then call them up and go spend time with them, it’s the perfect opportunity this time of  year to do it.

As Willie and I got older we migrated from just going door to door to visiting the local watering hole, the “Hook N’ Line”, which at the time was owned by my parents so most nights we’d wind up there.  A huge congregation of familiar faces filled the room as we escaped a cold winter’s night; it was like walking into Cheers on TV where everyone knew your name.  There was always an energized atmosphere about the place with people laughing, carrying on and a game of pool usually took center stage as people young and old alike would try for bragging rights in an impromptu on the spot Christmas tournament.  The pub was all decorated, music was festive, the place was packed to its capacity, a prime opportunity to see some of your old friends and catch up.  There were some good times that we had back then at that quaint little bar, for the most part it seemed like the whole community was there all coming together to celebrate the holidays by sharing stories and drinks until the wee hours in the morning only to do it all over again the very next evening.

So the other night as I looked outside it was no different than most nights but for some reason it struck me differently, I was gifted with memories of Christmases past, it was nice.  I remember those days fondly and in retrospect I’m grateful to have been asked to be a part of so many peoples’ lives in celebrating Christmas in small town Newfoundland.  I was welcomed into their homes to share in their joy which I sometimes miss but we all have to move on which may mean leaving home behind to find a life for ourselves somewhere’s else.  No matter where that journey takes us we can always look back, we may not be able to recreate the past but the past is a big part of who we are today and how we continue to celebrate the holidays.

It’s true, we all have loved ones that are no longer with us, for me they include some that I have mentioned in this post.  It makes me sad yeah, but it also makes me feel good that I have memories that they will always be a part of, that night while I walked to the store or while I looked from my window might have been a gesture from above that they too are missing me.  Just take inventory of what makes you happy and use that to celebrate who you still have in your lives, eat good food and share great stories while keeping their spirits alive and those traditions going.  If you feel lonely during the holidays maybe it’s an indication that you need to get back in touch with someone or somewhere, the solution may be just as simple as picking up the phone or knocking on that that door and I bet there’s a friendly face waiting on the other side maybe thinking the very same thing.  I leave you with a simple thought that whether it’s a kitchen party, a drink with a best friend or a pub full of friendly faces, the only thing that should be on anyone’s mind during Christmas is “who’s got the next round?”

Cheers

 

Nick of Time

I’ve made it to tibbs eve, the shopping is done, it’s snowing outside and I just poured a drink-Merry Christmas everybody.  People were hustling and bustling at the malls,traffic created some white knuckled moments, and there’s a turkey keeping my fridge door from shutting all the way, all sure signs that Santa is soon coming to town.  Everyone I saw tonight looked relatively happy as they buzzed around putting final touches on the last of their holiday lists.  Sales at every turn, “excuse me” was the phrase of choice and I even passed a lineup of cheerful kids waiting for a photo op with the man in red himself all just in the “nick”of time.

There’s so much that needs to be done before the big day and it’s only now that I got the opportunity to make a blog post and ironically also in the nick of time.  I had to make some sort of post for the conditions are all there.   There’s a blizzard outside, the tree is beautiful with all those lights, gifts are being wrapped and christmas music has created the perfect atmosphere for me to write.  An atmosphere that makes me think back on old times trying to recall some of the things that I did as a kid to celebrate the day before the eve of Christmas.  Memories of happy times and how for that one time of year family was first, food was plentiful and the world seems to stop, even if for a few short days.

People are winding down their workloads, shutting off their lights and punching out for some well deserved quality time with family and friends.  Gathering together and enjoying each other as much as possible, eating, drinking and just creating special moments with the people we love, I love this time of year.  Life throws so much at us, it allows us to become distracted from what matters the most.  To get time like this to forget all that and just focus on our closest bff’s and the kinfolk are times to be celebrated-embrace it.  My grandmother loved Christmas, she loved people and with her, there was no such thing as too many, everybody was welcomed no matter what.  She was in her glee when there was a constant roar in of conversation in the kitchen and drink of whiskey in her hand, that smirk on her face when you questioned what was in her glass would guarantee to make your heart smile.

Miss somebody? Christmas is famous for that as well unfortunately, this time of year can remind us of that void in our lives but that’s ok  because we need that too.  Sure it sucks reminiscing about a time that no longer includes a certain someone, but for the time that they were around I bet there are some unforgettable Christmases that were spent together.  I miss my grandparents, my uncles and friends a lot at Christmas time but thinking about them also makes me feel at peace with the fact that are gone but am reassured that they will never be forgotten.  They will be forever a part of me and this time of the year brings that out the most.

Like I said, it’s the day before Christmas eve and I’m sure there are traditions that you’re recreating right now with the people you love and spend time with.  Card games, marathon gift wrapping, and shed parties are only examples of all that tends to happen on a day like today.  One example I guess is the last minute shopping tradition, the one that I was a part of earlier, well, at least I know that I am not the only one, it’s not on purpose I promise.  Any traditions you keep? Anything that has to happen for you or Christmas just don’t seem the same?

The weather is horrible too, Santa’s sleigh would have come in handy on night like tonight.  That said, now that I’m inside looking at the snowfall, it does give me a very festive feeling inside.  I have always wanted to have snow on Christmas, it just doesn’t have that same feel to it without a slight dusting of the white stuff.  I went for a walk a few nights ago and the snow had just fallen and  you know, with the Christmas lights it  completely made me feel all nostalgic.  I couldn’t help but think about what it was like for me as a kid when I too was going to bed early and hoping I was good enough to make the nice list and Santa was going to bring me that GT Snowracer I wanted so badly this one year.  Last week my little nephew was visiting us (he’s three) and I got the chance to see  a glimpse of what Christmas means to a kid whose enchanted by the spirit of the holidays and it showed me once again that is truly all about the kids.

So I leave you with a wish of a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, I thank you all for reading my blog, I appreciate every view, like and follow.  I started this blog not knowing if I would be this far invested but I am starting to realize that I enjoy sharing with you my thoughts and feelings about the world around me.  Have a safe holiday and all the best in the 2017.

Merry Christmas

Ash

 

“Hold Me Clothes and Never Let Go”

I’m not sure why but the other day I thought about this jacket that I use to wear all the time when I was in my twenties, it was brown leather with a seventies style to it, very Donnie Brascoish.  I swear it felt like it was made specifically just for me, I loved it and only got rid of it a couple of years ago.  A brief history about this coat, back in the day my best friend Danny and I would visit the local thrift store on a weekly basis, it was a part of our roommate routine.  We’d both spend hours combing through old vintage clothing hoping to score some new digs, well…new to us at least.  Sifting through racks upon racks meticulously choosing what we liked, there were some hits and even more misses, the harder we looked the more gems we’d find.   One day we were both determined to score what we thought was the pinnacle of all university student thrift shopping and that was the “vintage jacket”.  It was our main objective and it wasn’t going to be easy because at the time retro jackets were a trend (we totally started it by the way).  After trying on what seemed to be every jacket they had for sale and on the verge of giving up there it was, in perfect condition, not a blemish on it and even had all the buttons still intact.  I quickly called dibs and as soon as I put the coat on I knew it was mine, fit like a glove in a very jackety way, best find ever.

(Crazy fact about the coat is that in the inside pocket there was a movie ticket stub that was issued in 1977, the same year as I was born and only 10 days off my birthday.)

Like I mentioned it was just a couple of years ago that I had to say goodbye to the old potential heirloom for it could not just hang there anymore serving no purpose.  Finally the jacket had run its course for any need that I had for it,…it was a very sad day, I said goodbye to an old friend.   I relinquished it back to the realm of thrift store purgatory where someday it might catch the eye of another retro jacket connoisseur and give someone else as much use as it did me.  That coat saw me through some of the best years of my life and when I think about it, it brings back a slew of memories.  I held on to it for as long as I could, I’d try to convince myself over and over that someday I would wear it again, someday, no seriously it still fit.  Who was I kidding?   The jacket made me look like a baby in a two sizes too small sleeper, I was clearly in denial, after a few moments alone with the coat I said a few words and placed the jacket in the goodwill bag then ran to my room crying.  No I didn’t cry, well maybe a little, it was dusty in the room.  No I was actually very happy that I donated the jacket back to where I had gotten it from some years ago, it had gone full circle and who knows where it might turn up next.

I bet as you’re reading this you too can recall some item of clothing that you held on to maybe a smidge too long and well past its closet expiry date.  I remember pairs of sneakers where my pinky toe holes gave away the colour of my socks and ball caps having sweat stain rings but it didn’t matter because of the perfect curved peek.  Looking back at my jacket, that cap and those shoes, it kind of, in a way acts like a synthetic journal quickly flashing up thoughts and memories which are forever attached to them.  There are chapters of my life that can be chronologically profiled with the help of some of my wardrobe, stages of my life that can be cat-walked down a ramp as my voice narrates in the background.  If you were to look through your closet now, is there anything that you just can’t throw away?  Are there items that have stood the test of time because you couldn’t bare parting ways with it or maybe the emotional attachment that it may hold?

Clothing can carry sentimental value for some of us, I still have to this day a dress shirt, t-shirt and suspenders combo that my grandfather use to wear.  It hangs in my closet and from time to time when I’m digging out something on a daily basis to wear I pass it on the hanger and instantly start to think about him.  My grandfather must have had twenty of the same combination of that dress shirt, t-shirt, and suspenders trifecta.  He certainly loved to rock the flannel, and  when I pass by it at the end of my shirt rack each morning I’m glad in this case I held on to the past.  I kept my grandfather’s ensemble because when I look at it, it makes me happy and when I think of him that’s how I picture him and he’s rocking the flannel as only he could.  We get these emotional attachments to the clothes that we wear because quite frankly and as funny as it may seem the clothes has been there with us the whole way.  That one suit we had straight out of college that helped us make it to interview after interview, that dress that has seen itself go from maid of honour duties to a night on the town, how something as simple as what we wore on a certain day can have so many emotions attached to it.

Emotions are one thing but people also care about their identity when we decide to put something on.  Clothing can also become synonymous with who we are, I knew a guy in high school who always wore a ball cap and he just became known for the cap, then there was the parachute pants girl, turtleneck guy…the list goes on.   I’m sure most of you can remember someone based solely on some item of clothing that they wore all the time or maybe there’s someone who you know now.  I was briefly known in political science class as the guy in the green puffy vest, yes I said “puffy”…moment of silence for the  90’s puffy vests .  Ok let’s forget the puffy green vest but my point is that certain clothing can define who we are or who we were.  I grew up playing sports and every time I put on a jersey as a kid it felt like something I would be doing for the rest of my life.   That phase came and went just as many did after, but when I see a jersey now or even get to try one on it takes me right back to the good ol’ high school days where sports consumed my life.  If you take a look at who you are today as compared to whom you were there may be similarities and I’m positive a lot of differences.  How has you’re style changed?  Has it changed at all?  Were you once a t-shirt and jeans guy and now it’s nothing only suits or maybe you’re a girl who wore nothing but black in college but now anything else is the new black.

I hope I was able to make you think a little bit with this post, sometimes when I think about something stuff just pours out.  The jacket meant a lot to me sure, but realistically it was more like a time capsule that took me right back to then and there.  So trust me, go through that closet or clean out your dressers, there may be some stories waiting for you to recreate all over again.  That coat that I bought and the day we spent at the thrift store was a day I will never forget, and a memory like that will always be worth more than the clothes on my back.

 

“Bully the Kid”

Geez, it has been 17 days since my last post, where has the time gone?  Now in my defence, I did have a lot going on in the last little while but…the dust has settled, the smoke has cleared and I am back in front of the keyboard doing this blogging thing that I love so much.  October was like a blink but the month has created some moments of creativity for me so I hope to share some of that in the weeks to come such as my cousin getting married so stay tuned.  In short, the ceremony was beautiful, the food was great and it was very nice to see some old friends.  Most of the family were there too and we all got the chance to spend a night together like the good old days.

My mother and stepfather stayed with us for the wedding which was a couple of weeks ago and I must say, we had a lot of fun and got in some good chats.  One of those chats we had is what lead me to make this post.  We were travelling downtown on a Sunday and my sister had been calling for my mother a few times but bad timing (mad tizzy to find a Halloween costume) just meant that mom would call her back when she could.  While we were taking a look around the Halloween store my mother finally took the call and spoke to my sister.  The call ended and my mother made me aware of what it was that my sister wanted to speak to her about.  I was instantly mad, it was about my nephew who had a experience with bullying just the night before and my sister was just letting us know.

My nephew has autism, he is a very functional independent young boy and so bright that it amazes me sometimes that he is even deemed to be.  He reads at a level beyond his years, loves conversation and is constantly wanting to know how and why things are.  He is a great kid and he reminds me of myself sometimes and now he’s getting bullied and I was kilometres away feeling completely helpless.

Like me, he too has a passion for bike-riding.  He loves riding his bike all around town and has since been visiting the local youth center which is something he used to shy away from before.  He is quiet and doesn’t like to be forced into engaging people and needs to be allowed to make those steps on his own.  He has accomplished that when it comes to this youth center, he was once scared to go but now he is there almost everyday.  He’s definitely a go-getter and if he wants something he knows he can do it but we always try to tell him that sometimes there may be obstacles.

Just a few nights ago he faced a big obstacle, he was hanging out and having fun at the center when some kids offered him an ice cream.  Accepting the ice cream and looking at it as nothing more then being friendly he thanked the young boy  and returned back to his seat to enjoy it.  It was later realized that the kids had spit in the ice cream before they had offered it to him and he blindly ate the whole thing without knowing.  It would have never been known if it were not for a young girl who told her parents who in turn called my sister to inform her of what had happened because she felt bad.  Mad was certainly an understatement for me at the time, I was full of emotions and the worst part was I couldn’t physically be there for him.  I blogged about bullying before and it was about me but now I get to see it from a uncles perspective and have to deal with those emotions, I especially didn’t like it.  Mother and I discussed it for a bit and I began to think about it a little more in depth and it got a bunch thoughts bouncing around.

Yes, I managed to make it out of high school unscathed but trust me, there were moments of bullying that I went through that weren’t pleasant experiences at all.  Now that I have a daughter that’s in university, several young nieces, nephews and cousins in high school I worry all the time that they potentially would be plagued with bullying.  I don’t let that worry consume me like most parents shouldn’t because it is another unfortunate part of life. This was a part of life that my nephew had to face and experience and no matter how much it hurt me, it had and was going to happen.  So my thought was initially the emotion that they were picking on my nephew because he was autistic but it quickly turned to  the thought of bullies just being bullies.

Here’s a honest question, have you ever bullied someone?  No matter the degree I’m sure a lot of you have bullied and there’s a good chance you’ve been bullied as well.  We all have an acquaintance with  the feelings that go with both.  I heard someone say that other day that what if we were all the same person but just living in different vessels of life, shouldn’t we treat each other like they were us?  I thought that phrase was a really good positive take on life and if true then yes I think we would treat each other differently but is that what it takes?  Bullies are scared of the unknown, scared of the different and sadly too scared to ask why?

Thinking about it since and after hearing that my nephew was doing fine after the whole ordeal, I felt better and it gave me faith that he dealt with it his way.  When we deal with things, they are our things, but when they happen to the people that we love and care for we feel panicked that we couldn’t swoop in and save the day.  Teach your kids about bullying, talk to them and see what makes them tick, find out what kind of friend your kid would make.  Bullying may always exist but as parents and role models we should do our part to teach our kids why it shouldn’t.