A Shade of Ash # 41 – On-Line Therapy

Newfoundlanders and Labradorians have a saying, “Some day on clothes.” It’s a way to describe the weather. A fine day to pin some clothes on the line to dry. It can also be a way to describe how you’re feeling, as explained by the nice man in the video I’ve left for you below. By the way, that YouTube channel has a lot of our culture, history, and gorgeous scenery if you’re interested. Yes, the people of my beautiful island have always emoted using cultural phrases which are associated with everyday experience. When we have a feeling to share, there’s usually a Newfoundland and Labrador way of saying it.

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A Shade of Ash # 40 – Sit Happens

When I walk, the world is at my feet. But if that very same world gives me the chance, I’ll put them up. – Ash 

A Shade of Ash # 39 – A Dory of Our Life

Which dory are you taking?

That one over there. It brings me back to see my Pop. We beachcomb for hours and he teaches me how to tie knots. I watch him gut fish and blow snot from his nose in the cold months. I hear him saw wood for the stove that my nan helps me pick up, and stack high against the fence. I watch him as he goes crazy when wrestling comes on. I love every minute of every match.

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A Shade of Ash # 38 – I Mist That Feeling

Ah, the old misty stroll. The weather around here lately has been damp. This past Tuesday was no different. As soon as I left the house to begin my journey I was met with mist and scattered droplets of rain. It made me eager to carry on. There was something about the atmosphere it was creating. With each step I took, I was transported back to different times of my life that felt similar. The feeling was reminiscent and familiar. Not long into my walk, I found myself standing at the head of a stage. A stage is a word we use for a wharf here in Newfoundland and Labrador. So, technically, I was standing on what we call a stage head. There are several words you’ll find in our very own Newfoundland dictionary that are for us interchangeable, but that’s another post for another day. Anyway, there I was. Taking it all in and absorbing the essence of a lazy Tuesday evening loving life and what it has given me at that moment. Then, Poppy had to poop and ruin it.  

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Second Thoughts # 7 – Fishy Past

Photo by Apostolos Vamvouras on Pexels.com

Ah…the old bent fishing rod. I was out for a walk a few evenings ago and midway into my stroll, I was passed by a couple of kids on their pedal bikes. I gave way to the little band of brothers and noticed something reminiscent as they zoomed on by. There were four of them. Like a moving screen grab of modern-day Stand by Me, Goonies, or IT. Or, for the younger crowd reading this post, Stranger Things. I kind of wanted to salute them in passing as they gave me a nod and went on their way. They looked like a good group of friends for sure. What struck me the most was how they had their fishing poles secured to their bikes. The fishing rods they were carrying were pointed straight up toward the sky like you would assume. Only, their rods had a massive bend at the top of them because when you pulled the line tight to fix the hook in one of the line holes, it created a slight curve. Smart move as they would have run the risk of hooking into someone or something while flying by on their journey home after a long day of adventures. Anyway, the moment those kids rode by me happened in an instant, but the flashes of memories that they had created for me lasted the rest of the night and into the process of writing this entry. I allowed that slideshow to play itself out, over and over. Like a short trailer of young episodes of my youth.

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Little Anthony

Photo by Kathrine Birch on Pexels.com

on this July summer night
I see you there in the sky
where you are not supposed to be
what happened for you to go there
why are you needed so soon
all I can do is wonder
as my heart tries to understand
why is it that time gets to pick
how fate always chooses next
when life shows that dark side
stay with me tonight
I’m not ready to leave you be
shine your light until tomorrow
a day I wish was given to you
little Anthony

Shade of Ash # 36 – Keep Right, Accept to Pass

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Coping with my anxiety is like a bike ride. It’s hard to balance. There is a chance I will fall. Sometimes I do. But, I have to keep going if I am going to learn how to ride with it. – Ash

Deadman’s Cove

there was a day when the grass was the perfect green

the ocean glistened in morse code

each sparkle a story of its own

as I step lightly from rock to stone

saltwater breaths dry my lips

I wet them for a taste

we all know that birds sing

listen when they do

let them play out the tides

like that day that was just for me

on that beach of memories

with a shore full of driftwood and kelp

props in a backdrop of a day in my life

when I hear a crashing wave

when a warm breeze teases my step

and when mother nature holds out her hand

I grab on and go back again

Empty

over there, the light

right there, darkness

down there, too deep

up there, just above water

I don’t feel the sun

I don’t walk with the moon

I am blank

…I am empty

Here Lies

Photo by Alan Cabello on Pexels.com

I called for you last night

it wasn’t for any of those other reasons we have

this time it was to tell you I was hurting

hurting still… only differently

differently, that poetry won’t mend

differently, that thoughts of you won’t pacify

differently, that distraction from you won’t make me forget

no, this time so different that even a superhero’s cape couldn’t save me

as I sit on the other side of a mountain of hope

I always thought you would answer my cry when it felt real to you

to whatever real means to you

I have done nothing over these years but climb that hope

over and over

thinking one day I would resurrect that real and make it come alive again

to finally know that you feel something for me

maybe that’s all my own dreams

and we know dreams are not real

one day dust will sweep over my body where it lay

marked for the rest of the world

with a sentence that I still continue to call out your name

from beneath my mountain of hope

that fell and crumbled the same day as I did

…your father