A hillside where I played now lies dormant, unused.
Laughter no longer carries in the wind where childish breath was once contrast to the pitch night sky.
The grass, still worn, but no longer from play for there is a gray hue of neglect that looms across its blades.
This lonely hillock connects me to my past,
the lost adventures of a youngster where berries were alien and stones stood as kid’ish vessels.
Simpler then, necessary, far from times reach.
But now that time binds me to the present, I can only reflect on the before.
As I do, memories swarm my mind and I start to see the patches of green again.
Familiar images beautifully paint my imagination, chasing away the dark shadows,
irrelevance slowly deliquescing away.
My boyish reminiscence forever welcomed, I see more beyond this passed by place and embrace a trigger to the memories it has kept for me this long.
that hillside…where I played.
Just one ray of sun can melt it all away,
make it right, make it ok.
Embrace like before with meaning and feel,
something I forgot was actually once real.
The static between can easily be gone,
takes simply understanding, not brains nor brawn.
Bring it back from where we left it in the dark.
Let’s let all the light in, all I need is your heart.
How do you keep walking forward without wanting to look back?
Your self-made contempt must justify it.
My journey through hearsay.
Birth to beyond being explained,
while I’ve never been posed with a question.
Imprisoned by pride with that broken conscience,
do you get to stand trial for your faults?
If excuse could no longer be an option, what then would you plea?
I know, that even at that moment, you’ll still forget,
forget to just turn around….
…to see what you left behind.
If you see me sometime and I don’t look your way,
I beg your pardon, just not myself today.
My smile is hidden, my laughter’s gone quiet.
Contrast to normal, I mean not to try it.
The struggle within is a battle some time,
feels like a mountain that’s too high to climb.
It’s lonely in there, just me and my thought.
Understand why? You probably will not.
If you see me displaced, please keep your intention.
Show me concern and give me attention.
There’s a smile inside, it just got displaced.
Knowing you care will bring it back to my face.
My silhouette has faded, the lines have all blurred.
Struggling within, with what may have occurred.
At what point was there a turn that was made?
My shadow eclipsed and now has no shade.
Feels like a prison but though there are no bars that confine me,
yet I serve my own sentence that will forever bind me.
To what makes me the reason? To what makes me the cause?
To what makes me regret that I showed you my flaws.
I know there’ll be a day when you’ll see how come.
Because my shadow will return from the shine of your sun.
A constant tiredness reminds me of how far I’ve come, this journey wears on me.
Every day I dream with no idea of when I get to wake up.
Always running towards something I believe doesn’t really exist, tormented with doubt, troubled with expectation.
I get a glimpse sometimes but it obscures quickly because it was never meant for me.
So again I move on as I always have and wait for it to be my turn.
Little lady, what’s your hurry?
Up the road in such a scurry.
Never you mind,
I will get there on time,
so please, you need not worry.
I’m off to church, my faith to search,
I could do this every day.
So here I go and as you know,
tomorrow I’ll be back this way.
That day I made my way over to where he stood, a place where our dialogue did not require words.
His leg braced his posture while he watched the shoreline lap, his boat sits on a harbor of illusion until the ripples break away its silhouette.
Our eyes to the horizon with the evening sky blushing back at us,
We agreed to just watch, agreed to just be there together…
I live, I breathe, but only to exist.
My inner voice holding my hand,
The silence from others is loud.
Shouting quiet words to myself.
Whispers catch in the static, going forever unheard.
Life chases my soul to the finish line,
Pieces keep falling away…