Farewell my uncle. I never knew you, but I will never forget you. Life has a strange way of displacing what could have been. Death has taught me this. – Ash
That night was eternal
drifting toward a forever sleep
voices falling faint
thoughts of tomorrow escaping
with time slipping away
I walked toward a light I was not scared to follow
body still euphoria right there
but before the final second of a wasted life
I found my soul
it told me I was not broken
gave me the strength to awaken
promising another day to make up my mind
The other night, I looked up for the moon
To ask him for a small favour
“Knock for me…at that heaven’s door”
I was alone and needed someone in particular
not only did sky open up and become ours
the clouds even came by for a listen
It was as midnight as midnight could be
that late, dogs cried at the moon
all the way down
as I followed you
straight to an early grave
not once knowing
ignorant, childish, wishing for my own home
we shared nothing
no words, not a glance, not even…presence
only fading footsteps in the rain
before you went to a place you felt you had to
regret I held in a subtle hello
maybe I would have turned it off
stood a final chance
and shooed the voice away from you
when lady death came teasing your ear?
there was no way I, me…
someone who would just threaten a made up mind
compete that night
with deathly songs of teenage tragedy
singing you toward an infinite dark
by the tune of your own broken heart
stealing any lust left for tomorrow
as you walked toward the Bluest Oyster
never to see you again
I thought it was necessary to give my awesome followers a fair warning that something’s coming. Something very overdue. So, my friends, later tonight or 100% tomorrow we will all get another glimpse into the world of The Red Journal. I have been hemming and hawing internally for too long creatively. It’s time for all of us to see who’s been doing all the killing in Jamestown and what Jamestown’s finest will do about it.Continue reading “Buffering – What’s Next, Who’s Next?”
I remember first being cold
alone, outside and in
my eyes sore, drained
Where were the tears that day?
Our loss must have voided my heart.
Each time I taunted with emotion,
my soul would squeeze even tighter.
Then, past a wet wind’s gale.
I saw your empty face.
It was the key that finally broke me.
So…I ran to the salty sea.
Broke free from this ransom.
Until my sorrows let.
Forever with the ocean my secret.
There was an alone never felt before.
The night giving way to the morning.
I watched the mist dance.
Skin crawling from a day’s long.
As I sat paralyzed thinking every story was true.
Struck four and I heard a song.
Like something needed me in the flesh.
To watch them dance and sing.
Share spirits for a spirit.
Only I would ever see.
That night they all went free.
I awoke and the sun was shining.
I thought of you this morning while walking to work, there was something about the air, I smiled. It made me recall some random end-of-summer day, much like today. You were steaming up the harbor, towards home, from a day of cod fishing. I first spotted you on the horizon while you were rounding the point, just there by the lighthouse. As I rushed down the lane, I could hear the sound of engine puttering growing louder. There were seagulls squawking and hanging about. Like a feathery cloud, they gave chase, each desperately seeking lunch from the fish scraps that were being thrown from your hands.
A final leap, I was there, at the wharf, to greet your return. I remember how the land-wash had this tinge of salt and the watery shoreline was like looking at glass. My reflection momentarily stared back, glistened in the hot morning sun and slowly distorted as your red and yellow punt made its approach. I was nine-ish, playing some made-up game while flicking sea snails back into the ocean, starting their long journey all over again…boyish thrills. As I stood there awaiting your accent, you handed me a rope to tether the boat long enough for the daily catch to be thrown ashore. It wasn’t a good knot, good enough, I wasn’t very good at that. You’d always finish the job anyway, just before mooring the dory to her rightful place once again, anchored just far enough, wading adrift until next time. Oh, how I remember the sun so bright, high in the sky, early that morn, just like today…when I thought of you.
Miss you Pop.
Today there was news that kind of put me off, shook me as soon as read the text from my mother early this morning. Late last night my step-cousin passed away, she had battled diabetes for most of her life and sadly, that battle is now over. I won’t really go into it any further than that from a personal standpoint for respect to her and her family but I will talk a bit about the thoughts that I had since hearing the news.
I don’t know really, mortality rears its ugly head every now and again, news like that slaps you right in the face. As I get older these situations unfortunately happen more often than I’d like, people getting hurt, people getting old, people getting sick, and people dying. It’s all a part of the circle, I get that, we all get it, but it still sucks. Losing someone is probably the worst thing that I have ever had to process in my life and something that for the longest time I didn’t think that I would ever experience. The young and naive Ash thought people close to me would never die. I remember my grandmother, as she rocked in her chair with her fist to her chin would sometimes talk about that day, where I would quickly reply with “go on mother, I will die before you, you have long life to go yet, don’t be foolish”. Morbid conversation yes, but it was true, it is a part of life and at that time she was in a different chapter of hers but who wants to hear that when you’re staring at the person who has always been your rock?
This girl was a classmate of mine, her husband is someone that I played high school sports with, and although it’s been years since we have seen each other, I remember them fondly. I thought about them a lot this morning and how hard it must be for the family to process this loss, she was way too young and my heart goes out to them. I turned forty this past April and I live a relatively healthy life, I have gotten by pretty unscathed up to this point and at this very moment I’m feeling pretty grateful for that.
Life is short, yeah, yeah…we hear that all the time but how often do with let that sink in? How often do we take inventory of where we are in life when it comes to our health or even just in general? There are some things that we won’t be able to fix, there will be things that will happen that only fate can determine but the one thing we have control over is being thankful that even today we’ve been given that one extra flip of the calendar.
Today’s news gave me goosebumps, made me take a moment not only to show my condolences for a past friend of mine but also to make me realize that no matter what chaos life throws at me and no matter how bad my day is going I need to be thankful that I get to spend it here with the people that I love and the people that love me right back.