The dawn of a day is when life takes a deep breath. – Ash
My body was controlled by my mind for a while now. Not in a good way. As my thoughts pierced me like bullets, I fell from the wounds they created. I was allowing my happiness to die by jumping in front of the fire. As I lay to sleep… my will is bulletproof. I only had to find it again. – Ash
I found my way through struggle today. Like a tiny beam trying to seep its way past a thick wall, I made it to a much bigger light. As I lay to sleep… I feel strong. – Ash
I’ve always been told that things happen for a reason. I know that’s sometimes a way of making me feel better when life hits a rough patch. Although, I’ve come to look at it like this. It’s not so much of what happens to us that needs a reason, but rather, how we learn and move on from it a better person that does. That’s the reason it’s a good thing. – Ash
Everything comes in its own time. Everything comes when you are ripe. Everything comes when you deserve it – this is my experience. – Osho
What I am looking for is not out there. It is in me
– Helen Keller
Hey there everyone,
Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong? Well, for me that was yesterday and a Monday at that, it was a really bad day for me, where I wished that I never should have gotten out of bed.
I suffer from anxiety and when I have days like yesterday, it’s magnified a hundred times, it feels like my world is falling down around me. Over the years I have endured and trudged on and made my way through it as best I can, I’m not sure how many more times I can do it.
Fortunately, I have family and friends around me that care, they can see when I am not myself and try their best to make sure I’m OK. I become withdrawn, the smile escapes my face, I clam up, emotionless. I have come to realize that I have had this behavior for the majority of my life, it’s the way I’m wired I guess, broken from the start.
Depressing right?, I know, and this is not my typical type of post, a little out of my comfort zone but yesterday just threw me completely off, like the old cliché “Why me?” I couldn’t think, I couldn’t be myself, it felt as if some higher power was using a magnified glass to burn the trail before me, to make it that much more difficult, only for me. Cue my writing, and this post, it helps with getting stuff out of my head, out of my system, my poems for one is a regurgitation of my inner most deepest thoughts that once transcribed, only then I start to feel somewhat better. I don’t always like to show this side of me as, like a dark secret I keep it close to the chest.
I consider myself very resourceful, emotionally durable, and fixer of all things, but days like yesterday I just feel defeated…worn. Life is just one obstacle after the next, I get pass one hurdle only to have another emotional triathlon before me. One step forward and two steps back could literally be the title of the book of my life.
Now that I have forced you to a top of a building somewhere ready to jump, I leave you with this, I will get through it, I’ve always found a way. I just wanted to get my thought out there and maybe there’s some of you that can relate, maybe even going through something yourself. We have our ways to cope, to get pass tough times, whether it be talking with loved ones, finding strength in the church, or just having a strong-will, we get by. So listen to each other, help each other, and if you can be there for someone when they need it the most, then please do so.
I’ll be OK, now that I have processed yesterday I realize that today is a new one and it’s up to me to make this the best day I can possibly make it. People love me, I have home, a job, and no matter what life throws my way, I will make it to tomorrow.
Earth To Ash 