Weight A Moment

images (5)

OK, 2018 is well on it’s way, we’re almost through January so I have to ask, how’s the New Year’s resolutions going? I thought about the old annual bid for betterment a few days ago while at the gym. Midway through a set I wondered how many people were there at that very moment because they are staying true to their resolutions. My cousin Ryan, who’s also my long-time gym buddy, have probably asked that same question to each other every single year since we ourselves started going about ten years ago. Each January, we’d see hordes of fresh faces that we had never seen before show up looking confused, a little out of place but ultimately ready and willing to start their journey toward a more active lifestyle.images (6)

It’s great seeing those people come through the gym doors for the first time (or starting back up), good for them, it’s about time they took charge and start taking care of themselves. It’s true, I do get excited when people tell me that they have gotten themselves a gym membership or have made their fitness a priority again, it’s motivating. Being the resident gym nut at work, people always share their fitness goals and woes with me. The stories including high-fives and way-to-go’s, I can listen to all day. It’s the stories of “life is just too crazy right now” or “I’ll start Monday” that reminds me how looking after yourself can easily stops being important.download (7).jpeg

Take me for instance, back in the fall I was struck with chronic neck pain, not sure exactly what it was, I honestly think it was stress, whatever it was, it took me out of the game. I have had aches and pains before, but this neck thing was quite possibly the worst I had experienced in my life…it sucked. Being the religious gym-goer that I am, agony like that almost made me turn my back on ever being 100% again, I was starting to think this was a lifer. I have a whole new respect for people who suffer from chronic pain, it’s not easy to live with for sure. Soon, I was scaling back my gym routine, not going as often, and I started to become OK with the littlest of excuses not to go workout. Ryan’s a new dad and a great dad at that, so understandably he had to cancel on me from time to time, when he did, I forfeited to the couch and was again, fine with that. It played with my head because I knew what I was doing and did nothing to curve it. For the first time in my life I was falling into the deep dark abyss of becoming lazy and giving up.images (7).jpeg

Finally, just after the holidays I had a moment, somehow I had finally awoken something inside me. I smartened up and told myself “Come on Ash, this is not you, not you at all”. So, once the new year rolled in I made myself a promise, you can call it a New Year’s resolution, call it what you want but something was about to change. Damned if I was going to let a little neck pain (it wasn’t little, “dramatic effect”), I wasn’t going to let any more excuses get in the way of getting better and get in the way of something that’s very important to me which is my health and working out. Fast forward to now, I am happy to report that Ryan and I are on week three of an eight week program, take that neck pain.images (8).jpeg

My faithful readers, there lies my point. Never let yourself become idle, never allow yourself to give up, sure life throws a lot at you but if you don’t take care of yourself then you might not be around to enjoy it. Yes, work is crazy, I agree juggling kids can be impossible, and there doesn’t seem to be enough time, I get it, I really do, but listen, where do you fit into all of this? You too deserve a little time for yourself to enjoy the things that for some reason has fallen to the wayside. The gym is my thing, but take this example and apply it to what you have lost along the way or have given up on. Giving up is easy, oh, and if you need something like a New Year’s resolution to do it then by all means, go for it, but let’s take it up a notch and make it one better, let’s all go ahead and make it a life resolution.

Until….

Ash Me Where it Hurts

images (5)

Hey all,

Back in January I wrote about having a real bad neck, it was bad enough that I had to seek out the services of a massage therapist to help me deal with it. At first, I was skeptical and didn’t think massage would work though I was willing to try anything at that point. After seeing the treatment through, I now realize that it played a huge part in my recovery and that outside of the box thinking had me on the mend in no time.

b03787b3a92fa120b2b0ae862662082a--funny-dogs-funny-animals

Continue reading “Ash Me Where it Hurts”

Feel that Draft?

drafts.jpg
Hey there,
It’s Tuesday, I’m sitting here on my lunch hour from work, listening to Mulgrid Miller, feeling all posty. The only thing is, I got nothing, nada, zilch, I’m blocked, just staring at a blinking cursor and a slew of material sitting dormant in my drafts. My mind has been mush for a few days now, nothings been firing and I’m caught in a bit of a funk. I have been struggling with my creativity from a poetry perspective as well, comes with the territory and I hate it. Lately, I’ve been primed and ready to change the world only to fall into some YouTube wormhole or slap my laptop closed after immediately becoming void of thought.

download (8).jpg
I’m literally doing the same thing in the above picture right now. Some time ago I wrote about the importance of just writing, my post Just Write was basically a way for me to get through a similar stint of writers’ block, so after taking a look at my drafts I realize that I have so many thoughts that still sit stagnate, still not posted. I know, I know, writing about not writing is cheating but hey, don’t hate me for just going with it.
giphy (1).gif
I read a post yesterday by J. A. Allen that talked about how hard it is to fit writing into your everyday lifestyle. She wrote about the fact that she has a full-time job, kids, and loads of other responsibilities that take precedence over her writing. Her post kind of resonated with me and my own struggle with fitting writing into my everyday. It’s hard, it’s a challenge indeed, then, when you finally get an opportunity to write, boom, you hit a wall.
giphy (2).gif
For me, it all starts with a draft, it starts with that initial thought that hits me. Sometimes I know right away that I am on to something, other times though, there’s something just not right about it. I need to “feel that draft”.  I’m sure my writer friends can relate, I bet there’s a draft that’s sitting there right now that never seems to be good enough to let go of, am I correct? Are you like me? Like an elementary kid unveiling a class project, twisting my foot looking down at the ground before I feel its good enough to say goodbye to.
tenor (1).gif
It’s all part of the process of writing I guess, I started this post staring aimlessly at a bunch of unfinished thoughts, now because of that I got something out of me, something posted. I hope that I keep the momentum going, just hitting the publish button was gratifying in itself knowing that I am slowly shaking off this fog. What’s important is that I don’t stop, just keep on keeping on, I hope that just like that post that I read from J. A. Allen, Split Ends and House Flies, you will find some sort of inspiration and realize that those thoughts that have taken up what looks like permanent residency in your drafts could be for you, that next great post. Take another look, go on, maybe this time you’ll feel that draft.
download (1)

Continue reading “Feel that Draft?”

For the Love of Gay

images (4).jpg

Hey there,
I ate lunch today in the adjacent hotel lobby next to my work as I do every now and then. Sometimes I use my lunch hour to write because it’s out of the way, hotel quiet, and a great place to people watch…and not in that creepy way.

I was sitting there, minding my own business when a couple who I think were in town off a cruise ship from the United States. They were sitting a couch down from me, they were chatting about whether or not they were going to partake in an afternoon bus tour, debating because the weather sucked. Perfectly normal conversation until I overheard the lady say something that was like “what the ****”.

giphy.gif
What was it? Well, there’s a KD Lang concert this weekend and I guess they had been deciding earlier if they were going to attend because it came up during their back and forth. The husband asked a couple of times if the wife (60ish) wanted to go and she replied with “I don’t know, I like KD Lang, actually, I did like her before she was gay”….This is 2017 correct? I was flabbergasted, couldn’t believe what I had heard. I was like, “really misses, before she was gay”, so what, KD Lang now uses her gay voice to sing, or shoots gay bullets from her eyeballs, like come on. I immediately turned in her direction and made sure she was aware that I had heard what she had said so that for that millisecond she could realize how ridiculous she sounded.
source.gif
It amazes me how this ignorance still exists, how people don’t realize the hurt this kind of backward-thinking creates. No disrespect to KD Lang but if this lady didn’t know that KD was gay before she actually came out, then she probably thinks dinosaurs still exist or the earth is flat. Lady, please educate yourself my love, open your mind and allow people to be who they truly are, god I feel bad for you.

I don’ t know, I was having another bad day and that put the icing on the cake. Live and let live, treat others as you would like to be treated and love your partner, man, woman and the like. This lady is clearly lacking something in her own life (maybe a pet dinosaur) she feels the need to chastise others for her own misery.

My thought is this, no matter what, there are going to be people out there that will try to keep you down, try to dictate you life, and try to tell you what they think is right. We just can’t let them, we need to stay true to ourselves and remember that understanding, acceptance, and genuine love for one another is something this world should never be “constantly craving”.

 

The Rain Made Me Do It

rain-glass_queen-west_man-umbrella_bw_01.jpg


I surveil the abstract of raindrops as they slither the outside pane
its journey, merely a moment in time
each tiny drop…
they dazzle like fireworks synchronizing with my deluge of thoughts now cached from a once juvenile me
I beam with the sound of the pitter-patter
the torrent tone lulls me to a reminiscent state as I recall the stories of my olden

Hidden Smile

download

If you see me sometime and I don’t look your way,
I beg your pardon, just not myself today.

My smile is hidden, my laughter’s gone quiet.
Contrast to normal, I mean not to try it.

The struggle within is a battle some time,
feels like a mountain that’s too high to climb.

It’s lonely in there, just me and my thought.
Understand why? You probably will not.

If you see me displaced, please keep your intention.
Show me concern and give me attention.

There’s a smile inside, it just got displaced.
Knowing you care will bring it back to my face.

Ash Wednesday

ash_wednesday

Yesterday was “me Wednesday”, the sun was shining, March was upon us and I saw a person with what I thought was dirt on their face. Actually, yesterday marked the first day of Lent (pun intended) where many people around the world went to mass. Specifically, Christians attend mass and receive ashes of burnt palm branches on their forehead in the shape of a cross to symbolize repentance and confess their sins. Ok, I googled that, (sorry God) but once I realized that yesterday was Ash Wednesday, it did get me thinking about how Church was a big part of my life at one point which in turn made me think of my grandmother who was the primary reason it was.

I know for a fact she wouldn’t be too happy to hear that I have drifted away from religion so much over the years. As I thought about it more, I wondered if faith was a void in my life, am I missing it? I ask that question from time to time, I think a lot of people do. Life is full of moments where it’s just us alone with our inner voice that guides us through the peaks and valleys. I’m Catholic, I was taught religion growing up but once I left school and moved away from my hometown, I strayed from the flock as it were. I still believe don’t get me wrong, it’s just my opinion on religion can vary sometimes along with my faith. Faith is a very strong thing to have, it can help you through some of the worst times and can give you hope when you need it the most. We need something to call upon when life challenges us, it gives us something to hold on to when we are at our weakest, and provides comfort in times of doubt.

People find faith in so many different things traditional and non-traditional, it’s up to us, we can believe in other things that don’t have to be contingent on being some sort of higher power. Quite frankly, we can choose to believe in nothing at all, those who feel no need to place their “faith” in anything other than themselves carry on just as fine as someone who practices religion. Ultimately, we all need to show acceptance and tolerance to religious differences, our world still needs work when it comes to loving thy neighbor. No matter where I look, there seems to be conflict, people hurting others over the color of their skin, the language they speak or religion they practice. The big picture, we differ from far more reasons than I just mentioned but we fail to see the one constant that remains in each of us which is the most important and that is, we’re all human beings.

 

Snow Place Like Home

snowplace

Just made it in from digging out from yet another snow day, we are on day two of a marathon of bad weather.  Snow days I like, the shoveling not so much, if you have read any of my recent posts you should know by now that I am not a fan of winter and a big part of that is the shoveling.  I am one of those who still has to shovel out, no snowblower for me, it’s two legs and a heartbeat that gets me through it. This winter has been especially bad and it still seems like spring is nowhere in sight. After many weather-related conversations this week, there is a general consensus that this winter season is really wearing on us all but “hey, at least we have storm chips”.

Yeah, they’re a thing, I was at the supermarket the other day and a lady in front me was chatting with the cashier and mentioned she was on the hunt for a bag.  Now I need to back up a sec to provide some background on this newest phenomenon called “storm chips”. I live in Newfoundland and we are notorious for bad winter storms, and something else we are notorious for is preparing for one. We take our storm days seriously, there’s booze to be purchased, electronic devices that need charging and of course the “storm chips”, snacks are essential. Social media has added momentum I’ve noticed, to this pre-storm ritual, we now live in a world where something like a #STORMCHIPS hashtag can bring a community together while mother nature drops by to throw up.

It’s true, we have come a long way when it comes to how we spend our snow days. One huge example of that is technology, it allows all of us who have to endure a winter wallop to connect and share how each of us, are surviving our snowy sequester. Snow days are a much needed day off work for some, you don’t have to worry that you didn’t make it in because no one else did either. It’s now a chance to binge-watch some Netflix and make it through that next season, maybe grab some games from the closet to challenge the kids, or curl up with that book you’ve been meaning to read. Some even brave the elements and venture outside for a wintery walk hoping the coffee shop on the corner managed to open, the possibilities are endless.

There was a moment as I peeked outside while the freezing rain tapped against the window that I thought back to my youth.  I remember mornings my grandparents chatted while I laid in my bed trying to make out what they were saying, I knew it had to be because of the weather because I couldn’t see out my window-oh boy! As the morning went on my confidence grew, the fact that my grandmother, who was my alarm clock for my entire school career, was still yet to crack my door and give my bed a shake was a high probability of a snow day. No happier feeling than being a kid and being told school was canceled and the day was all mine. My snow days are enjoyed from an adult’s perspective nowadays but my inner child still enjoys the anticipation.

Shoveling is all done and the city is moving again, life is slowly getting back to normal. We received give or take, 60 centimeters of snow these last two days, two snow days in a row which is like seeing a unicorn. The rumor of bad weather hits everyone differently, kids don’t count because we all know how they feel. The palette of colors plastered on the meteorologist’s teleprompter can make some cringe, others take it as a warning to start their supply list right away at the whisper of a few flakes. Snow days aren’t going anywhere and no matter how you feel about spending a day stormbound we have no other choice but to wait it out. Take this free day to catch up on things you may not have enough time for normally like cleaning the house, doing a craft or reading a book (or this blog-shameless plug). Newfoundlanders have existed on this rock in the Atlantic for a very long time, yes we may complain, it’s our culture to always talk about the weather because it’s a big part of who we are. It doesn’t matter the forecast anyway because when it comes to a winter in Newfoundland, one thing’s for sure, there’s snow place like home.

Pain in the Ash

I’ve been nursing a real bad neck as of late, I have no idea what might have caused it, all I know is that it’s been nagging me for awhile now. It could be the gym, quite possibly from shoveling or maybe it’s the way I slept, something has been causing me to slow turn my head for the past two weeks. I was never one to just tolerate the pain so I have been doing my best to rehab it as much as possible, so far, though, the pain keeps coming back.  Over the years I’ve  accumulated my share of bumps, bruises, and broken bones but with time I healed and the pain all went away, I always bounced back 100%.

This neck thing does bother me a lot, but I’m still doing everything I normally do, there’s a discomfort but I manage the pain enough to get through it. To aid in my recovery, I’m using the help of the gym, heating lotions, stretching and my doctor has prescribed me some pills too but I only take them when I absolutely need to (not a fan).  I have resorted to a more physiotherapy like approach when it comes to my gym workout and I make sure not to overdo it which is important when you are rehabbing any type of injury. Best not to push it and make something worst.  If you sit at a desk all week like I do it’s good to take some time during your day to work out your strained muscles, working in front of a monitor can wreak havoc on your posture and can also make an existing injury flare up something fierce.  I try to pay attention to how I am sitting to alleviate some discomfort created by slouching or hunching over at my desk which I’m guilty of from time to time.  Heat has seemed to provide me with the most relief; I have been using a magic bag and a heat rub to loosen the tight muscles in my neck. When it comes to our bodies, we know ourselves the best and we all respond to treatment differently; some of the things that I have suggested are things that you can try for yourself.  I do want to point out that if you are experiencing pain on any level, it’s best to consult a doctor and then with that advice you can start your road to recovery.

Dealing with pain is awful; my stepfather had to live with pain each and every day for about a five year period not long ago.  He injured himself on the job and was faced with a future of surgeries, painkillers, and extensive rehab that even then provided no absolute surety that he would get back to his old self. I saw that man who is by far the strongest man I know concede that he was at the mercy of chronic pain and on his darkest day cursed everything and wanted to quit. I earned a lot of respect for people suffering in chronic pain because of the hell my stepdad had to endure during his recovery. Because of his will and the support of the family, he’s completely back to himself today but for awhile there, he was doubtful that he would ever truly be rid of the pain entirely.

Staying healthy is a challenge, we try our best to take care of ourselves but sometimes the unpredictability of life proves that anything can happen. We break and bleed all the time, as far back as our days of bumping into corners and falling off our bikes, we are all too familiar with the feeling of pain. Now that I’m older it’s becoming apparent that I may not fix as easy as I used to, I need to do my part but I also need to accept going to the doctor when something doesn’t feel right. I know people who avoid the hospital at all the time which actually puzzles me, why?  Ego? Denial? I can’t answer that question for anyone but myself but I hope my dialog has made you think about how important it is to look after yourself.  We have friends and family that love and depend on us so we have to think about them too, they matter and so do you, don’t forget that. My neck got me thinking and this post was just my way of exploring my thought…next time I make a post though I promise it won’t be so much of a Pain in the Ash.

 

The Streets are Paved in Cold

I watched a movie earlier tonight, “Cardboard Boxer”, not bad of a film.  It starred Thomas Hayden Church and Terrance Howard, and it focused on the homeless.  Watching the main character Thomas Hayden Church fight adversity and survive his way through day to day life on the streets got me thinking.  A few nights ago I went for a walk and later wrote about it, I blogged about how cold it was and how much I hated winter.  It’s true, I was just “vent writing” and emoting my true frustration with how I felt about the dark days of winter.  No question about it, that night was cold, sooo cold, it was bitter and there was snow everywhere I looked.  As I walked along my body was in a full contraction from the brisk night air, I couldn’t help but think about how people who live on the streets do it.  Imagine having no place to go and having to try to find somewhere warm to sleep every night of your life, not only that you have to feed yourself too.

We witness this all the time, we pass by the usual suspects every day on our lunch breaks that give us their best pitch Monday through Friday to score just a little bit of change.  As soon as that interaction of just a quick yes or no is over, you move on with your life.  We go back to discussing what plans we have for the weekend or how good our workout was that day, the question of where you were sleeping tonight never entered your thoughts.  That night as I walked I thought about it a lot, I was freezing, yes I was wimping out a bit too but I was content knowing I had a warm home to return to.  I asked myself what I would do, what would be my gut instinct, could I be capable of the lasting a night like that on the street?  Probably not, but it humbled me knowing how fortunate I was and how my problems just don’t seem as important anymore.  I look out the window and I see a driveway that needs to be shoveled or I see a hinderance to my morning commute, I can’t appreciate the challenges they must endure each and every day battling mother nature.

The next time you pass by someone who could use some help, do so, give them a chance.  Yes, I know, how can you be sure where the money is going?  So many questions rush through your mind during that microtransaction, it’s milliseconds, we are quick to judge.  We can stand there all day morally debating if we should but we already know the answer to that question.  How much do we waste each day on the simplest of pleasures that we enjoy, ask yourself again, can you afford to give?  I bet the answer is yes, we just try to find answers for saying no, like we have something to prove.  We honestly don’t know where we will find ourselves in life, there are peaks and valleys in every dynamic.

That night made me realize that sometimes I do take life for granted and I do have it good but sometimes I think otherwise.  I have a roof over my head, a job that I go to from week to week and a family that love and care for me.  Appreciate the fact that you have cable and that the internet exists, a trip to the store takes 5 minutes by car, we got it pretty good.  Give of yourself, help out at a soup kitchen, donate your used clothing, do whatever you can because at the end of the day if you give back to the people that need it the most it can slowly become the only change they might need.