I stood there high and saw the sorrow from loss below my heart did nothing tomorrows came with tears all around but still nothing why did you get to take the both of us away from a life of no regret you controlled everything now you are nothing not even a thing anymore you should have been made to be someone who lives with it too but instead got to leave with half of the secrets I bear the weight of two heavy with memories of darkness pained by unheard screams of listen to me I’m grieving not death no, I am grieving the lost chances to face hurt with words stab hard with scars shown with no shame be the trial seeking reason and forgiveness only I forever will walk the green mile alone and life as I know it throws your sentence away forever
Ah, the ruined Christmas gift. No better way to sabotage your own built-up magic spirit of the holidays than tampering with the biggest most wanted item on your list. I was about six or seven when I began to get to the bottom of this Santa break-and-enter gimmick. As each year went on, the more cognizant I became of the sneaking around my mother, grandmother, and aunt were doing during the weeks leading up. My senses became Santa sharp. I remember starting to spot cover-up Christmas things my family was doing to paint the perfect backdrop to a wonderful holiday to come. Welcomed, only I was on to them. I became keener on hearing Christmas code conversations that filled the cookie-baking nights of my grandmother’s kitchen. I knew, but the cookies were too delicious. And, one day, which turned out to be the beginning of the end of my belief in a man called Santa, was when I found peace a la resistance. I found the Holy Grail of childhood Christmas holiday wonder. I found the notorious and infamous gift hiding place. Yup, with all those particular sets of skills I had acquired, and with all the determination of a kid destined to ruin the only magical wonder he would experience in his life, I went ahead and spoiled my very own Christmas with one too many tears in the gift-wrapping.
Ah, the missing gift. Christmastime, a sad reminder that once again there will be a certain To: and From: gift nametag missing from under the tree. A present that no longer finds its way on Santa’s list. A gift we most likely have asked for every year since. It is one of the hardest things about the holidays for me. However, I learned a long time ago not to dwell on that when it came to thinking of the people who are no longer a part of my life. Instead, I started to think of all the memories I have of them and no matter what, they will always be a part of my life that way. That will never be lost.
I wrote a letter
on a beacon of hope
gave fate the return address
but sadly, I still sit and wait
for tomorrow
and tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
but sadly, tomorrow never comes
every day is a search
every day a wish
please
please
oh please
but sadly, nothing is found or returned
some days I see shadows
some nights a mirage
could it be
could it be
could it be
but sadly, none of them are really you
there are moments where I believe
there are moments where I truly feel
that I will see you again in time
as it passes
and passes
and passes
but sadly, you're still disappeared
Frustrated because that momentum you have with writing has now been sabotaged by the process of editing? Stop and take a break. Allow some time for your creative session to cook. Even days. Fresh eyes are kryptonite to the backspace key. You can correct me if I am wrong. – Ash
One of my bad habits with writing is rewriting my work before I have given it a chance to cook a bit. I am impatiently hanging on a paragraph and the paragraphs before it. In a second, the momentum gets sabotaged because I’m too busy going back to edit. Stories change all the time. Ideas evolve and can head in any direction at any time. So, the next time you sit down to write, remember it is better to collect your thoughts than to correct your thoughts. Make good with your time dancing with creativity. Because it is the rhythm of the write, the write, oh yeah! – Ash