It’s still no matter that desire exists, I keep lying to myself.
Surely something must distract your sound sleep as it does for me.
That unlocked door has remained ajar for so long now,
a little light still glimmers against the ingress of doubt.
I remain indignant, stuck in this emotional vacuum devoid of what matters, screaming, bawling, through the hubbub, alone in quietude with not even a whisper to keep me content.
I wish this day away just like the many before it.
No matter how high the sun, that cloud will forever rain on me.
As I try to move on, the shadows creep alongside teasing a dark void.
My unhealed scars, they fester each time I’m reminded,
adding one more to an already weathered heart.
Fist held against your chin staring beyond, adrift in recollection.
A ponder of well-being was the focus of those faraway eyes.
Rock…rock until contentment, unbroken ritual.
You miss, you worry, because you loved.
The tittle-tattle of your kindred always spawned a glow in your half-cocked smiles, your infectious being.
Dear grand, by and by with a simper,
someday again.
Your smile that day was the last,
when those shades looked better on you.
This the chance?
Sun high, mid-afternoon,
like yesterday,
memorial to me.
Suddenly the static…then nothing.
An alter-ego, unhinged.
Your split was misconceived,
as most would rather bathe in ignorance,
and wade in shallows of the misunderstood.
Just when the sun peeks the brightest,
an eclipse takes aim right for it.
A smile protecting what’s left,
I take a knee.
Crusty eyes wake excited,
when mornings are usually slumbered.
Sun stretching, this early.
We leave Theresa with a wave,
that smile.
You and I now,
a trip of bond.
The mist chills my face…
his dory crashing against the lap.
Posture held strong.
My imagination animated by the salt.
Few words spoken but enough was understood.
Cap to his brow, a grin in that cheek.
Surrogate father, my hero.
A long time ago we promised a connection.
But we’ve found ourselves adrift, in the other direction.
Alike by the bloodline that flows deep within,
difficult to conceive that we were both born as kin.
I’ve questioned at times for a true explanation,
only blame in retort, without hesitation.
Our bond left abandoned, now way in the past,
the first day we met was also our last.
Free of the burden that it must have been me,
when sometimes in life it’s not meant to be.
So I move on at peace, that I have done my share.
Fate left to you, to show me you still care.
I hope someday, that the piece from your heart,
matches with mine so we can return to the start.
a hillside where I played, now lies dormant…unused.
laughter no longer carries in the wind
where childish breath was once contrasted to the pitch night sky
the grass, still worn, but not from play
for there is a gray hue of neglect that looms across its blades
this lonely hillock connects me to my past
the lost adventures of a youngster
where berries were alien and stones stood as kid’ish vessels
simpler then, necessary, far from times reach
now that time binds me to the present, I can only reflect on the before
as I do, memories swarm my mind and I start to see the patches of green again
familiar images beautifully paint my imagination, chasing away the dark shadows
irrelevance slowly deliquescing away
my boyish reminiscence forever welcomed
I see more beyond this passed-by place
and embrace a trigger to the memories it has kept for me this long
that hillside…
…where I played
Earth To Ash 