Walked To Death

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It was as midnight as midnight could be
that late, dogs cried at the moon
all the way down
as I followed you
straight to an early grave

not once knowing
ignorant, childish, wishing for my own home

we shared nothing
no words, not a glance, not even…presence
only fading footsteps in the rain
before you went to a place you felt you had to
regret I held in a subtle hello
maybe I would have turned it off
stood a final chance
and shooed the voice away from you
but
when lady death came teasing your ear?
there was no way I, me…
someone who would just threaten a made up mind
compete that night
with deathly songs of teenage tragedy

singing you toward an infinite dark
by the tune of your own broken heart

stealing any lust left for tomorrow
then

I watched
as you walked toward the Bluest Oyster
never to see you again



Journal Entry # 197 – Silence is Deafening!

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Unfather’s Day

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Today, I don’t want to exist.
Tomorrow is fine, but not today.
Today, I don’t deserve anything.
I hate the happiness, I hate the gift ideas.
I hate the attempts to cheer me up from friends and family.
I hate cards, I hate phone calls, I hate the internet.
I hate robbing my stepfather from his day, I’m so damn sorry.
I hate Sundays, I hate barbecues, I hate gatherings and music.
I hate being called something I’m not, stop telling me different.
Stop!!! It only encourages me and I lie to myself again.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter wishes were still with us.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter celebrates beating Cancer.
I’m not a Dad a son or daughter begs freed from behind bars.
I’m not even a Dad a son or daughter forgives for his mistakes.
I’m not a Dad…and I have all the scars to prove it.

My Heart in a Bottle

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Like a bottle in a vast ocean…I’m drifting
further and further from your beautiful shore, I float
my body breaking against violent waves
which pull me far far from the horizon
alone, I wade, no one around to hear me
for the longest days…the darkest of nights,

Oh, how I’ve prayed to be rescued
pulled ashore only by your hand
chipped and weathered
most of me empty,

nothing left but a note
two words I’ve carried with me for so long
hoping someday my message would reach you
fall from your lips and into your broken heart

I’m sorry

Journal Entry # 166 – It’s Lonely Behind A Mask

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You deserve to rest. Even if only for a moment. Put down the weight you’re carrying. Let go of the need to keep it all together. Take off your warrior mask. For this moment, now … just breathe. – Jason Garner

No News is Good News

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Hey all,

How are you settling into the new year? Are you still hitting it out of the park with the resolutions? Come on, you can do it, don’t give up. I believe in you.

Continue reading “No News is Good News”

Betrayal

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Between fact and failure
I lay face down in muddied water
Neck broken, heart still
My sweat unrecognized, salts cold blood
For I am left behind
just like others
find me beneath the gallows
…at first sign of weakness
they will sip their drinks, sip faster
at the feet of false gods
in the name of the blinding rich

Dream A Little Dream Of You

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tell me how I can make a dream come true
like the one I had last night of you
and then there was the night before
and…well, so many many more

it’s the one where you said hello
and the tears suddenly began to flow
we rushed into an embrace and held each other tight
all I wanted to do was hold on with all my might

I tried to stay for as long as one dream could remain
in a place void of the hurt, the loss, the pain
oh please tell me how I can make that dream come true
when I dream a little dream of you

Plagiarized Love

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my love for you is like a book with stolen pages
beautiful words erased
deleted lines…replaced
everything’s torn from the very bind
words rewritten that were never mine
an unknown author with a tale of a broken heart
spends his lonely days with nowhere to start
his pen runs dry
there’s nothing more to capture
in this tragic love story without its final chapter

Journal Entry # 152 – Truth Can Hurt, But It Can Also Heal

I’ve wasted so much time and heartache trying to find out why someone no longer loves me. When all I had to do, was accept that they probably never did. Therefore, I’m free. – Ash