It’s Tradition

landscape-1478624575-gettyimages-116032654
I had a conversation yesterday with a colleague of mine and we were discussing Christmas traditions and the role they play in making the holidays special. As per Google, “Traditions” are the transmission of customs or beliefs passed down from generation to generation. Like me I’m sure, most of you are familiar with these annual festive rituals, and also like me, they most likely started when you were a kid. It’s something each year, that has to absolutely happen in order for you to say it was a Merry Christmas. They become more and more necessary, helping recreate those nostalgic feelings that we’ve all become so attached to. One example of that is being home for Christmas, there’s something about being home for the holidays. The memories of being home with your family and friends are memories that will last for the rest of you life.

My grandparents passed away some time ago and I used to have a hard time with the fact that Christmas would now become different. So different that I felt like the holidays would never have the same feeling anymore, like I would never be as happy. The tradition of going home and spending time with the family at my grandparents’ house, my house, where I was raised would become just a memory. Forced to turn the page on that chapter of my life and say goodbye to something that was so dear to my heart was very hard for me. The house was sold, family slowly drifted apart and we all began to move on. Yeah, for many years following I struggled, holding some resentment that the nucleus of the family were no longer the highlight of such a celebrated time of year. It made me mad, upset for sure, but mostly, it left me with a void that I felt would never be filled again…until.

Until one time, a Christmas or two ago, I was sitting around reminiscing, and dwelling on what was missing. Then something spoke to me, even to this day I say it was my grandmother herself. Like a real life scrooge moment, I heard her gentle voice, her soft whisper fell upon my ears, she told me that it was not like me to be feeling the way that I was. She knew me better than anyone else on this planet and she was upset that I gotten lost in the past, mad that I was being so stubborn. “Enough of that” she said, and just as she had for my entire life she consoled me with her words… “Places don’t make memories Ash, people do”.

After that, I started to look at this time of year differently. It made me understand that thinking that way was only hurting me, and ultimately hurting the people around me. Sometimes we have to leave the people we care for behind, sometimes people we care for have to leave us, but what we have to remember is that our heart is a very big place. It’s big enough to hold as much love as you can imagine, and extra big during the holidays. Christmas is not about what you don’t have, but it’s more of what you do have. Take those traditions of the past and share them with your present, there may be a chair or two empty at the dining room table but no matter what you’ll always have plenty of room in your heart.

Write On!!!

download (2)
Hey all,

So the people have spoken, the votes have been tabulated, and whatever “manopause” I was going through must of has ran its course, because I am back slapping keys. Thank you in every language because you awesome men and women have overwhelmingly convinced me that I should continue this journey of mine and keep on writing. Started to get a little fuzzy there, going through a phase I guess, I was at a blogging low and needed a pick me up. Fist pump to my fellow bloggers who chimed in with your comments and support, all your props helped keep me from throwing in the towel, trust me.

I’m sorry as I probably sound like a broken record by now, wrote a bunch about this, but once again I admit, writing is tough. It takes dedication, loads of your time and creativity steroids. I threw out my lure looking for a thought or two, maybe some convincing feedback, and ultimately an answer to my query. I got all of the above, thanks for pulling me back in and helping me through a growing pain of becoming a blogger. None of this would be possible without you, and without the blast of followers I have gotten since that post.
giphy (4).gif
Those of you out there that are going through the same creative tug-of-war as I just did, let me say this, don’t give up, take some time, cool off, reevaluate. This medium can sometimes become all consuming, that’s when we need to take a step back and get reacquainted with made us start all this in the first place. I started because I love writing, I can’t forget that because when I do, I start to hits walls creatively. During that process though, it’s pretty awesome and reassuring knowing your readers have your back. I foresee 2018 as another great year for Earth to Ash, I have taken notes and I’m getting excited to see what comes next. I’m always looking for new ways to keep you all entertained forever trying to Russel up stories….sorry it was right there.

OK, OK, enough out me for now, so…to recap, I am here to write another day, you should never give up on your dreams, Matt Lauer got fired…. and alllll of you are awesome.

Until…

Bastard

Because you changed your mind,
all the happiness was stolen,
shame your sword still lies deep where it hurts,
taken its toll in years,
ask me to my face…you bastard,
remember this in times of your alone,
death will come…but you’ll never be free.

My Wounds

How do I awake from a nightmare,
that cares not that I am asleep?
My eyes need not even blink,
for every second, the same dread.
Taking my licks like a dog that’s beaten,
stubborn, still thinking reward will come.
To exist has now become my master,
slowly tempting my will,
as all I can do is lick my wounds…
and look up for more.

In the Stars

This is not who I want to be anymore,
someone with his eyes fixed to the ground,
distracted, wondering, wanting…wishing.

A glimpse of hope for this cancerous heart,
lied buried within the pitch night above.
I just had to see it in the stars.

They never stop trying,
they never stop searching,
and they never stop longing,
to be right there, together again…
…in the sky.

As You Wish

Perfect-Dead-Tree-Art-Ideas-36-For-Your-with-Dead-Tree-Art-Ideas.jpg
I will concede to your wishes, we’ll leave the rest to chance.
There’s nothing left to take hold, time to sever the branch.
Poisoned are the seeds, laced within the roots,
spoil without the sun, bare of any fruit.
The leaves will all wither and slowly they will die,
for my last attempt to grow, has become my final goodbye.

You and I

What have I done but love you?
I’m not an enemy to your soul.
Covetous hearts created this divide,
while coddling indifference.
They scattered us, you and I, like pieces,
their insouciance causing abstract of what this could be.

You Follow Me?

images (7)

Boom! 200-Thanks for the follows!!!

Yup, I got this shiny little achievement just over a week ago, so I’m dedicating this post to you, all my faithful readers, every last one. You know, each time I hit the publish button, I think for a second, and it still blows me away that there’s actually people out there that take valuable time out of their busy lives to read my two cents.

Continue reading “You Follow Me?” →

Mortal Less?

download (2)

Hey everybody,

Today there was news that kind of put me off, shook me as soon as read the text from my mother early this morning. Late last night my step-cousin passed away, she had battled diabetes for most of her life and sadly, that battle is now over. I won’t really go into it any further than that from a personal standpoint for respect to her and her family but I will talk a bit about the thoughts that I had since hearing the news.

I don’t know really, mortality rears its ugly head every now and again, news like that slaps you right in the face. As I get older these situations unfortunately happen more often than I’d like, people getting hurt, people getting old, people getting sick, and people dying. It’s all a part of the circle, I get that, we all get it, but it still sucks. Losing someone is probably the worst thing that I have ever had to process in my life and something that for the longest time I didn’t think that I would ever experience. The young and naive Ash thought people close to me would never die. I remember my grandmother, as she rocked in her chair with her fist to her chin would sometimes talk about that day, where I would quickly reply with “go on mother, I will die before you, you have long life to go yet, don’t be foolish”. Morbid conversation yes, but it was true, it is a part of life and at that time she was in a different chapter of hers but who wants to hear that when you’re staring at the person who has always been your rock?

This girl was a classmate of mine, her husband is someone that I played high school sports with, and although it’s been years since we have seen each other, I remember them fondly. I thought about them a lot this morning and how hard it must be for the family to process this loss, she was way too young and my heart goes out to them. I turned forty this past April and I live a relatively healthy life, I have gotten by pretty unscathed up to this point and at this very moment I’m feeling pretty grateful for that.

Life is short, yeah, yeah…we hear that all the time but how often do with let that sink in? How often do we take inventory of where we are in life when it comes to our health or even just in general? There are some things that we won’t be able to fix, there will be things that will happen that only fate can determine but the one thing we have control over is being thankful that even today we’ve been given that one extra flip of the calendar.

Today’s news gave me goosebumps, made me take a moment not only to show my condolences for a past friend of mine but also to make me realize that no matter what chaos life throws at me and no matter how bad my day is going I need to be thankful that I get to spend it here with the people that I love and the people that love me right back.

Feel that Draft?

Hey there,
It’s Tuesday, I’m sitting here on my lunch hour from work, listening to Mulgrid Miller, feeling all posty. The only thing is, I got nothing, nada, zilch, I’m blocked, just staring at a blinking cursor and a slew of material sitting dormant in my drafts. My mind has been mush for a few days now, nothings been firing and I’m caught in a bit of a funk. I have been struggling with my creativity from a poetry perspective as well, comes with the territory and I hate it. Lately, I’ve been primed and ready to change the world only to fall into some YouTube wormhole or slap my laptop closed after immediately becoming void of thought.

I’m literally doing the same thing in the above picture right now. Some time ago I wrote about the importance of just writing, my post Just Write was basically a way for me to get through a similar stint of writers’ block, so after taking a look at my drafts I realize that I have so many thoughts that still sit stagnate, still not posted. I know, I know, writing about not writing is cheating but hey, don’t hate me for just going with it.

I read a post yesterday by J. A. Allen that talked about how hard it is to fit writing into your everyday lifestyle. She wrote about the fact that she has a full-time job, kids, and loads of other responsibilities that take precedence over her writing. Her post kind of resonated with me and my own struggle with fitting writing into my everyday. It’s hard, it’s a challenge indeed, then, when you finally get an opportunity to write, boom, you hit a wall.

For me, it all starts with a draft, it starts with that initial thought that hits me. Sometimes I know right away that I am on to something, other times though, there’s something just not right about it. I need to “feel that draft”. I’m sure my writer friends can relate, I bet there’s a draft that’s sitting there right now that never seems to be good enough to let go of, am I correct? Are you like me? Like an elementary kid unveiling a class project, twisting my foot looking down at the ground before I feel its good enough to say goodbye to.

It’s all part of the process of writing I guess, I started this post staring aimlessly at a bunch of unfinished thoughts, now because of that I got something out of me, something posted. I hope that I keep the momentum going, just hitting the publish button was gratifying in itself knowing that I am slowly shaking off this fog. What’s important is that I don’t stop, just keep on keeping on, I hope that just like that post that I read from J. A. Allen, Split Ends and House Flies, you will find some sort of inspiration and realize that those thoughts that have taken up what looks like permanent residency in your drafts could be for you, that next great post. Take another look, go on, maybe this time you’ll feel that draft.