A Shade of Ash # 6 – Why does the happiest day of my life keep breaking my heart?

I tried again today as I have tried so many times since the last heartstring that bound us severed. For a split-second, I got to hear your voice. For a split-second, I thought you would listen to mine. It was the longest pause yet…trust me, I know.

So, Ashton, I guess it’s another “Happy Birthday” sent off into the universe with all my love. Maybe it will find the world I’ve lost and help return it to me.

– Dad xoxo

Ash To Dust

i look, turn around, and see your face
then, it falls away like dust
like a living dream
not even yours in the first place
so, I keep walking along staring at the ground
trying harder to recall what’s left of the vision I have of you
only time has started to begin to fade the picture
even though my heart has a good memory
the beats are becoming too far between
those flashes no longer able to bring it back to life

no matter how much I love you
soon, i won’t be able to see you anymore
when you’re way out of focus

and completely lost from my heart

Journal Entry # 166 – It’s Lonely Behind A Mask

Photo by gentina danurendra on Pexels.com

You deserve to rest. Even if only for a moment. Put down the weight you’re carrying. Let go of the need to keep it all together. Take off your warrior mask. For this moment, now … just breathe. – Jason Garner

Recovery

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

This time it didn’t matter if I held you
I guess my heart grew stronger from all the breaks
Like a junky with a kicked addiction
my track marks no longer have aches

I fought through the pain of withdrawal
alone and in despair
Worth nothing more to you, forgotten
in some gutter behind nowhere

Day and night I yearned for another fix
even if it was to be my last
Only it was you who controlled the poison
Stronger than any vial or any glass

I had to kick this dirty habit
I just had to say goodbye
For the therapy of holding on to you
was worse than coming down from the high

Now, my veins are finally clean
suppressed from the urge of you
It took my own rock bottom to discover…
that a drug can be tainted too

My Heart’s An Open Book

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Every day…I write you a love letter.
No pen, no paper, just what’s inside my heart.
I know they never reach you.
But, right now I’m OK with that.
Because, no matter how many words I’ve written, or how many more I’ll write.
My heart will never close what was, what is…what will forever be,

the best chapters of my life.

Dream A Little Dream Of You

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

tell me how I can make a dream come true
like the one I had last night of you
and then there was the night before
and…well, so many many more

it’s the one where you said hello
and the tears suddenly began to flow
we rushed into an embrace and held each other tight
all I wanted to do was hold on with all my might

I tried to stay for as long as one dream could remain
in a place void of the hurt, the loss, the pain
oh please tell me how I can make that dream come true
when I dream a little dream of you